Dear Company VP….

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Dear Company VP,

Can I just say, if you put your hand in my face again, and tell me to shush, I will use your wrist to wrench your arm from it’s socket and I will then beat you with the wet end until you either concede to the fact that you are a disrespectful arrogant asshat or you end up unconscious. Either result is good with me!

Yes I get that you talk to the CEO everyday (woop-de-fecking-do), yes I’m aware it can be rather stressful (isn’t that the case with most jobs?!), yes I understand that you hate your staff (or in your words “they are pathetic whingy bastards who don’t know they’re born” – for the record, they think you’re a total tool so you know, no love lost there!), yes I get that you think you’re better than the job you’re doing (trust me when I say that you’re not – not only are you the lowest educated person in the building, but your management style needs a hell of a lot of improvement).

BUT…

That does not give you the right to treat me like a 5 year old, it does not give you the right to treat your staff like crap, it does not give you the right to be a two faced lying piece of shit (fyi – if you have an issue with me then come and talk to me about it, don’t bad mouth me to my boss when I can hear quite clearly what is being said through the damned wall!).

I am not your skivvy, I am not your sounding board, I am not your PA….

While I’m at it, learn my fucking name! I am NOT called Admin, I have a name, an actual name, so bloody use it! You call me Admin in future and I will not respond to you….or I may choose to call you VD instead (which I consider a more appropriate name for you I guess – irritating and unwelcome!).

The reason your staff are under performing is YOU, you don’t motivate them, you aren’t very approachable, you barely interact with them, and I’m pretty sure if you stuck your hand in the faces of one of the lads they would tell you to fuck right off!

Sincerely, one very pissed off member of staff,

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Placebo – Running up that hill (Bit of Brian folks!)

10 things…

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10 things I have learned this week:

1. When someone says to you “I’m not having a go at you because it’s not your fault, BUT….”

Generally means “despite this issue having nothing to do with you, and it being no fault of yours at all, I’m going to shout and bawl at you anyway….because I can”.

A manager at work has used this twice, he basically just comes into my office when someone pisses him off to bawl at me because he doesn’t have the balls to confront the person who is actually in the wrong, who IS actually at fault. He likes to take his anger out on those who haven’t done anything to deserve it….and I can’t say anything without pissing off his best friend (my supervisor).

I would love to tell this nob-jockey to fuck right off!

2. Michael Jackson had an amazing voice! ….

…I know people have a lot to say about his personal life, I know what he was accused of, blah blah blah. It isn’t about that. He was a talented songwriter and brilliant musician! End of.

3. I have excellent support when it comes to my new project…

…my family have taken a hell of an interest and my other half is helping with the setting up process for the website/social media! There’s a lot to do, it’s really scary and exciting….and I have plenty of people who will kick me up the arse if I try and back out of it.

4. When I’m tired I really can’t deal with bullshit…

…Not that I suffer fools gladly you understand, but when I’m tired my brain just decides it’s having no part in the discussion and my mouth will invariably tell the other person to fuck off and grow a pair. I know this will probably end up getting me into trouble, as it stands at the moment it’s helping me show I’m not a complete door mat at work!

5. When a manager says “I’m better than this”….

….I automatically think he’s a twat. Try being the Admin person you give pathetic tedious jobs to, the one who picks up the shit storms you create because you don’t have two brain cells to rub together!

You THINK you’re better than this mate, I KNOW I’m better than this!

6. The Dental Services don’t read shit….

…So I finally heard from them….Another letter whinging about the “false claim” that was actually an admin error by the dentist. Doesn’t matter that I submitted a ton of paperwork stating that I want to pay the bill, that it was an error, that it wasn’t something I’d done, etc etc etc.

Seriously – THIS is why the NHS is fucked up! The amount of bureaucratic bollocks that goes on there is ridiculous.

Let me pay the bill damnit!!! (I’m going to put a complaint in about this).

7. My OH and I share political views…

…so don’t argue about that sort of thing (my ex and I used to have incredibly heated arguements about it. We both know that politics in the UK is shit, we know that whoever we vote for will lie and cheat their way through their terms without representing us in the working class.

I vote because it’s a right that was battled to get….but I have no faith in my vote at all.

8. I am so much like my father that it’s scary!…

…we share the same life views. Neither of us will ever be happy working for other people, we both throw ourselves into our hobbies, we both know that we should live our lives as we see fit! We share the same personality, sense of humour and love of motorbikes/scooters.

It’s very peculiar, but very awesome too!

9. Some people have real issues being overtaken on the motorway…

…mostly van drivers! They rag the shit out of the van to try and get alongside you just because you’ve overtaken them! What is up with that? Seriously?! If you can’t go faster than 50mph in 70 zone then don’t get annoyed when people overtake you.

10. Put a group of managers in a room with a buffet and it’ll look like a group of 5 year olds had a fight in a biscuit factory…

…there will be food everywhere, it will be a complete pig sty, and they won’t lift a finger to tidy up because they’re that sodding lazy!

What they don’t realise is that I will get my own back….I’m not a skivvy and will not be treated as such!

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Michael Jackson – They don’t care about us (Bit of MJ!)

Thoughtful Thorsday -The Dogsbody Guide to Basic Admin (pt 1)

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So you’re a basic administrator in a company full of pillocks who can’t even order toilet paper to wipe their own arses, congratulations! Let’s have a run down of 5 very basic tasks you can expect to encounter on a daily basis:

1. Your “colleagues” (masters) don’t understand how Royal Mail or Courier services work…be prepared to have to sort their mail out for them while they whinge at you that it’s taking too long. Yes they will expect you to physically deliver the mail same day and at great expense to your petrol tank….DON’T DO IT!

2. No-one will tell you when they run out of printer paper….they’ll just slap the printer for a bit and expect it to give birth to a A4 sheets. Then whinge that the printer doesn’t work when someone gets too heavy handed and dislodges a cog or two.

3. You will be told not to have any personal items on your desk while most other people (especially the higher ranking) will have photos/mugs/etc all over their workspace. In case of this – ask for the written version of the policy that refuses you the right to have your own photos/ etc on your desk. If said policy exists tell the bastards that this rule applies to everyone, not just you, and you will remove yours when they remove theirs. If the policy doesn’t exist, tell them to fuck off!

4. Don’t expect to get a full lunch break because you will be expected to answer the door on the ground floor every time someone gets a parcel delivered because everyone else are completely incapable of signing their names on that electronic pad. Make sure you don’t take something like soup with you otherwise it’s fair to say you should just leave it in the microwave.

5. You will get pestered the shit out of for certains types of pens, pencils, paper, etc because you will have to do the stationary order. It will bore you totally senseless.

Happy Thorsday peeps!

Loki charms

Loki-Lou

Ps – todays song of the day is:

Bon Jovi – Always (Oooo yeah!)

Last week

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**WARNING – I’m going to swear!**

I was going to do a “10 things I learned this week” but it slipped my mind, so I thought I’d do a catch up one now! So, here we go for “10 things I learned this week but last week”….

1. The Dental Services are a bunch of wankers!

I’ve been trying to pay off a dental charge that was wrongly put to them as a jobseeker claim (admin error by my dentist) for about two months now….but all they do is give mixed advice and send paperwork demanding paperwork from me (that has already been done multiple times!). I’ve already said I will pay the charge, I have proof that the claim was made in error (THEY have this proof) and yet they still send letters wanging on about “not finding evidence to support the claim”….That’s because there is no fucking claim you bunch of paperpushing tossers! Let me pay the damned charge so you can stop cutting down fuck loads of trees to send the same letters time after time!

While I’m at it – TRAIN YOUR STAFF! Giving me mixed advice makes me lose my shit with them because I’m frustrated by the moronic way in which cases are handled.Surely you have a set protocol? Surely you tell your staff this?

I get that you have to treat everyone as though we’ve all been robbing off the government, I get that you think we’re all fraudulently claiming for fillings and what-not, I get that you feel like you can look down your noses at us and…..

Oh wait….You CAN’T! Not every case is the same, not all of us are frauds, not all of us made this mess, and as for looking down your noses at us – why not use your noses to stick up your bosses arses in your mission to climb the jobsworths ladder!

Let me pay the fucking charge!

2. When your boss has a meltdown do NOT engage in conversation…

….otherwise you will be stood in his office for over two hours as he cries, tells you his problems, tells you why he’s better than everyone else and won’t let you leave until he’s done blubbing!

3. I get obsessed with projects

I have a new arty/crafty type project that I’m working on at the moment, I have a lot of support with it and I am obsessing over it! Any spare time I get at work I am jotting notes down, working out designs, etc. I just want to get home and work on it!

I may release the information on here in the next month!

4. I want my own little family…

This may surprise a few people as I’ve always maintained that marriage and children were not for me…I’m guessing I was wrong. I’m not saying I want that right this minute…but hopefully in the next two years. So yeah…not sure what else to say about this one other than it was quite the revelation to realise that I wanted both those things more than I ever thought I would.

5. Trusting people is the hardest thing to do…

I have moments when I think everything is going to fall apart with my relationships….I have conflicting feelings with regards to the loyalty of friends, family and my boyfriend. I don’t hide this because I feel like if I do then it’ll just make the situation worse! I am far more insecure than I was before, but I guess this is all part of adapting. My doctor thinks part of my social anxiety is because of repressed emotions from the last break up and that starting over means learning to trust that people I introduce back into my life won’t just drop me.

6. I am a Horlicks Addict

I love Horlicks….especially the chocolate one. I will drink it at anytime day or night, provided it is made with milk…if made with water it looks a little like dishwater, and tastes like it too! When I was a student a tub of Horlicks was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I couldn’t afford more than a bag of rice a week (while I did my BSc) but my folks would occasionally get me supplies. Horlicks being one of them. It is my comfort drink.

7. Benedict Cumberbatch is rather cute…even as a baddie…

That is all. Yes Hiddlestoners I said it! I regret nothing.

Oh come on….you let me off with the Whishaw and Menzies crushes!

8. I want to take part in a yarnstorm!

Come on Lancashire knitters, get in touch with me! Let’s yarnstorm the shit out of the North West!

9. I booked a place for my holidays that my ex and I used to visit a lot…

It wasn’t BECAUSE of him that I booked it, I booked it because it’s a beautiful place to go and I love being there. I’m going with my new partner, we’re staying in a part that I’ve never been to before. There will be plenty of fresh air, hiking, maybe a bit of climbing. But I do worry how I’ll react when I get there, for nearly five years it was a place that meant a lot to me for various reasons, and my ex was one of those reasons. While my feelings towards the ex are pretty indifferent (I do occasionally hope he’s doing ok, I haven’t heard from him in ages and have no intention of making contact), I do know that most of what I know of the place is information he passed onto me.

I guess we’ll see…..I’m hoping it is a new chapter. A place to share with my partner, a place we’ll frequent….because I’m not about to avoid the place just because it harbours memories of a whole different time.

10. I’m scared to be 28…

I turn 28 in a couple of weeks (literally) and I’m scared about it. I feel as though I haven’t achieved what I wanted to, that I have so much left to do and not sure where to start, etc. Honestly, with the way I feel about it, you’d think I was turning 90 and been told I wouldn’t see 91! I know I’m being daft, I have no intention of going anywhere soon so I have plenty of time to do all the things I want to. In theory! I also think I’m scared because 28 is the start of one year older, I’ll actually be able to let go of one of the worst ages of my life so far (27 is a flipping nightmare! And I can’t say year as the end of worst year will be July….but it’s not been all bad really). Has anyone else felt like that about 28?

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Armin Van Buurin ft Jennifer Rene – Fine without you (not my usual choice but hey ho, blame Nick Grimshaw!)

 

Number confusion

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So as part of my dogsbody role at work I am tasked with signing for deliveries whenever they arrive…I must sign my name fifteen times a day for bloody parcels that don’t belong to me.

I get whinged at if someone else has to answer the door….even if I’m dealing with something else at the time! It really is quite ridiculous.

Today I answered the door to our usual courier guy, passed across the parcels we had to ship, took a piece of paper from him and then rushed to sort a final piece of paperwork that I was being pestered for. It was only while grabbing a quick cup of coffee that I noticed that the paper contained the courier’s mobile phone number!

His phone number!

How had I not noticed that he was giving me his phone number?!

My brain went over what was said, the niceties, the usual whinge about the weather, the “can I be cheeky and give you this?” statement before he handed over the paper…..’cheeky’? ‘Cheeky’?!

As flattering as it is to have someone offer you their phone number, I did realise that I didn’t notice partly because I was busy, and partly because I’m very blind to this sort of thing. I have a difficult enough time believing that my other half finds me attractive, the mere notion that someone else might do is hilarious to me!

I sat in my office feeling a bit guilty that I had this guy’s number, I should have paid a bit more attention to him and said that I couldn’t take it from. I also felt guilty because I know how much it would bother my other half to know I’d been given it. Instead of keeping it, the piece of paper is now in the rubbish bin at work ready for the cleaners.

It has made me think about how I view myself still….my reflection makes me feel pretty awful.

It shouldn’t do but it does.

I’m still working on changing this.

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Placebo – Special K (Love love love this band!)

Fifty Shades of Grey (hair!)

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So, two weeks until my 28th birthday and I find a grey hair….glaring at me from the depths of my (dark brown) fringe. A single grey hair glistening in the light from the bathroom mirror. Solitary, but striking quite the pose! To be honest at 27 (nearly 28) I would expect myself to have a couple of grey hairs just through natural aging, and with everything that has happened over the previous year I’m surprised I’m not seeking out the solitary brown hair in a mop of grey!

I thought I would completely lose my shit when I found one, as it happens I feel relatively calm about the whole thing. Granted I will never be as dashing as my other half is with his grey, but these things happen…..and he really does look dashing!

I thought I would feel (to quote Q) ‘the inevitability of time’ creeping about, I thought I would dive straight into one of (many) life crises (considering I never left my quarter one I guess there’s no change). I thought I would start to wish I’d done more with my life – seen more, tried different things, experienced different cultures, etc.

All it has done is made me realise that I can still do all that….and that I need to do all that. The only thing stopping me, is myself. And the mind-set that I still hold that makes me feel like I shouldn’t even try. I need rid of that mind-set…otherwise I will spend the next 28 years building up a list of regrets of things I should have done but never got the balls to do.

I guess part of this is because I have a new project in the works….it’s been occupying a lot of my thoughts, a lot of my time, and a lot of my work notebooks. I can’t share it yet because it’s still early stages, but I don’t want to wuss out of this one….not because my brain says it won’t work!

I want to try this time.

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Lawson – When she was mine

The Anxiety and the Thyroid – an update

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Soooo on Friday I went back to my GP, and this time there was no crying. There was a racing heart rate, palpitations and alot of fidgetting (I fidget when I’m nervous). I was coherent, my brain was firing on all cylinders, I managed to talk without stammering, I didn’t become over emotional….

For the first time in a while I actually felt (relatively) in control.

My Thyroid is still being a bit temperamental, it hasn’t fully settled. The doctor wants to try a higher dose of Thyroxine to see if that will help balance things out…to see if we can finally get it stabilised.

So why I am I telling you both of these things, well…for those of you who are unsure of the workings of Hypothyroidism when things go a bit iffy it can result in depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, sleeping most of the time, lack of appetite, feeling cold all the time (jumpers in hot weather!), to mention but a few things. There is only one of those things I haven’t experienced recently, and I have been warned to be aware of it (just in case) while we try and sort this issue.

The doctor isn’t convinced that the anxiety is purely linked to the Thyroid acting up, but to fully rule it out it needs to balance out. Which may take another couple of weeks.

If it is the Thyroid then I’ve had a stark view of what a chemical imbalance can do….and it is terrifying! It is a cry for help from my body and I’m thankful that I haven’t ignored it (this time)…and while I’m a little (read as: a lot) frustrated with the health issues I’m having (once again) I know that I’m doing all I can to sort things.

I’ve asked for help.

And whatever happens next I just have to deal with it.

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day:

Alex Clare – Hummingbird (I kinda like Alex Clare).

This week

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10 Things I’ve learned this week….

1. I can cope with being alone.

My family jetted off to sunny Spain (just as Lancashire became a rather sunny UK county!), and my other half nipped to New York. So for a week I’ve been left to my own devices! And I hate being left alone….I’m so used to having a very hectic household that the prospect of having no one about terrifies me…or it used to terrify me. Granted being nearly 30 years old and sleeping with the hallway light on is a bit peculiar but still…old houses make weird noises that scare me when I’m trying to sleep.

2. I can knit….finally!

When I lived in London a lovely lass at the local Stitch and Bitch taught me how to knit…or tried to at least, I managed to get my hands tangled together and needed rescuing (more than once). I haven’t really picked my bamboo needles up since I’ve been home, I tried making a scarf and gave up after a while…this week (with the help of my buddy Steph) I got back my creative bug with a trip to Hobbycraft, spent a small fortune on wool, and settled my ass down to a week of knitting! The result = two knitted toys! They look like they were made my a 5 year old but still – I knitted something!!!

3. Some people are dicks of the highest order – do NOT take any shit from them.

I had a high ranking member of the business talking down to me about questionnaires the other day….I hold a social science undergraduate degree , I spent 3 years creating and analysing those pieces of crap so to have someone patronise me over it got my back up. Also doesn’t help that he looks down on the “lower ranking” members of the business as though we’re something he stepped in. I basically told him (a bit more politely) to remove his head from his ass….just because I am admin does NOT mean that I am stupid or uneducated…talking to me as though I’m a moron will result in me deeming you a twat.

4. Social Anxiety is a git – especially when you have a person facing role. 

I’m pretty sure I need a “I hate people” sign for my door…because as soon as someone knocks my heart leaps for freedom out of my throat. I am getting better with controlling the panic attacks, and I’d say the intensity of the anxiety has decreased since I’ve been stabilised back on Thyroxine!

5. My brain is an absolute bastard!

I had a zombie dream the other night and wow…..it was that vivid I was jolted awake at 3am and could not get back to sleep for fear of waking up dead (yeah I know how that sounds but remember – zombies!). I’ve not found a horror film or story or game to frighten me, but I’ll be damned, my brain is a bloody bastard when it comes to shitting me up!

6. I’m a bit obsessed with my music choice for commutes.

In the AM it’s got to be the Radio 1 breakfast show….I can’t start my day properly without a bit of Nick Grimshaw (YES I LIKE THE GUY – I REGRET NOTHING!). I’m already driving to work as his show starts and will turn off the CD I’m listening to just to tune in….Grimmy makes my mornings that bit brighter. After work it’s the Michael Jackson greatest hits all the way (blame my other half for this)! I can’t seem to break these habits at the moment.

7. Taking a knitted animal toy to work makes the boys go a bit weird.

They made the knitted animal a coffee while I was in another room in a meeting….I found said knitted animal perched on some sticky notes at the right height to “drink” from the cup. Seriously.

This has happened more than once this week.

It may result in office warfare if they attempt to take it.

8. Even though I’ve been a Trekkie all my life….the only reason I want to watch the new movie is because of Cumberbatch.

I know I know….I should be ashamed of myself….but honestly, I saw the trailer and just drooled! Amazing actor, amazing voice…just amazing. I can’t wait to see him in an evil role! It’s going to be so much fun!

9. Sometimes your view of people is so completely wrong it is untrue.

So…this week the broadcaster Stuart Hall admitted indecently assaulting underage girls….and I can not explain how much this affected me. This is a guy who you warmed to so easily, a guy you wouldn’t think of being like that….but he is. And after months of denying it, he’s finally admitted it.

The mind boggles.

10. When left to fend for myself I eat way too much pizza.

Pizza is one of my fave foods (behind egg butties…..because everyone loves an egg butty, provided the yoke is runny)…this week I’ve eaten like 3 pizzas rather than cook anything else, and seriously if I had more pizza in the freezer I would have eaten nothing but that all week. Damn you pizza with your cheesy goodness!

Maybe I should do a 10 things I’ve learned every week!

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Psy – Gentleman (because the dance is just….wtf???)

Thoughtful Thorsday – Oh for the love of….

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Dear fellow drivers,

I know you can see me, I know you can, want to know how I know? Because….I’m driving a bright YELLOW car! Not matt yellow, not a mellow yellow, but a beaming bright yellow. I picked said colour because after driving a silver car for a while and assuming that’s why people acted like arseholes by cutting me up all the time, I thought I’d invest in something that could be seen from space!

Turns out that’s not the problem – the problem is people being complacent, people assuming that they don’t need to adhere to the rules of the road because they have somewhere to be.

Please people – wherever you’re going, it’s not worth driving like a moron for.

Indicate before changing lanes – I’m not psychic, I won’t know you want a different lane unless you tell me, and barging your way infront of me forcing me to brake heavily not only causes me undue stress but is actually really fucking dangerous for all involved! What if the car behind me doesn’t brake? What if I don’t pay attention so don’t realise you’ve just swerved infront of me? What if you misjudge the space?

Also – please please please check the lane before moving! Swerving into a lane where someone is already driving is fucking scary! Have some consideration for the fact you are NOT the only driver on the road!

And, if you are going to drive up the arse end of my car, you should at least by it dinner first! Common courtesy and all that.

Happy Thorsday lovelies!

Loreal loki

(Thor 2 meets L’Oreal – “Loki, because he’s worth it!”)

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Alex Clare – Up all night (because I kinda like this song)

A New Project

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Every now and again I feel as though I’m going mad…my anxiety peaks, my breathing hurts, my heart beats so loudly in my ears it feels as though I’m drowning. It takes so much energy to regain control, so much energy to stop the shaking, stop the tears from falling.

Energy I don’t have spare right now.

I have a doctors appointment on Friday and I’m going to ask her to go ahead with the referral, I need to speak to someone about this before it gets worse and harder to control.

I need to stop feeling like I’m losing my mind!

This week my family and my other half are away on holidays, I am left alone. My support network is in different countries and I can’t tell them how I really feel because I don’t want them to feel guilty about being away.

I hate being alone.

I need to keep myself occupied (all the time!).

So I picked up an old hobby or two…I doodle small comics, and I knit little teddies. Well…one teddy…it’s an owl! (And it looks like it was made by a 5 year old). Just having these things stop my brain from running riot and taking with it a cascade of worry…it’s good to have something to focus on, projects that I can turn my attention to.

My creative side is happy (which it hasn’t been for a while) and is craving more of this.

If I could knit while at work I would….I would spend all day every day knitting creatures, animals, beanie hats, etc! I would use it to switch off my brain and spend a few hours focussed on whether I wanted to change the yarn colour or not.

I want to stay in my creative little bubble….

…because in that bubble I am happy.

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day:

Placebo – Taste in Men (because a bit of Placebo makes everything ok).