Tag Archives: unemployment

Losing my shit (stroppy mare edition)

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**Yes folks – it’s ranty Loki-Lou again!**

Earlier this week I butted heads with the companies Vice President over him acting like a corporate psychopath, I fought my corner when a new employee thought because he was higher ranking than me that it gave him permission to be snide, my smear test came back abnormal, my anxiety was raging, I’ve been adapting to a higher dose of Thyroxine (which strangely results in me getting a bit of insomnia)….

This week has tested me. Alot.

Let’s add to the mix an ongoing issue I’ve had with the Dental Services. An administrative error at my dentists means that they’ve submitted a job seekers claim for treatment when I’m due to be paying for it at my next appointment.

(For the record I’m not mad at my dentists, they’re a great bunch of people and these things just happen).

This has resulted in threats from Dental Services about charging me an extra £100 for a “false claim” despite the dentists having evidence that I signed a form saying I was in full time employment and due to pay my fee at my next appointment.

For the past three weeks I’ve spoken to three different advisors to try and sort this mess, I’ve been given mixed advice, I’ve done everything they wanted and more.

Today I got a letter from my dentist confirming the administrative error, so I called Dental Services to ensure I sent the right aspects of the form back to them with the details filled in.

Dental Services (DS): “You need to fill the whole form in”.

Me: “I can’t, it asks for details on the benefits I was receiving, but I wasn’t receiving any”.

DS: “But you still need to complete that bit”.

Me: “How? If I wasn’t receiving any benefits?”

DS: “Erm…..”

Me: “I can fill in the ‘confirm your details’ part of the form but the rest doesn’t apply. Am I ok to leave that blank and just sign the declaration?”

DS: “Well you need proof it was a mistake if you’re going to do that”

Me: “I have proof, I’ll send it with the form”.

DS: “That might not be enough to prove it, you need to write a letter detailing everything and you need to pay the costs at the dentist and send us the receipt and….”

*This is the point I snapped because it was like going round in circles*

Me: “It IS enough to prove it because the DENTIST has written that this shitstorm is not my fault. He has detailed everything that YOU need, so I am not wasting any more of my time writing you a letter you won’t read, especially given you should have detailed notes on your system from the amount of times I’ve called you trying to sort this crap out – ”

DS: “Well….”

Me: “- And as for payment, I’ve been told I have to pay YOU by the other advisors multiple times! And you can only do that once you’ve processed the paperwork – ”

DS: “Technically you have to pay your dentist”

Me: “Technically I have to pay YOU! Because you are the ones who have threatened me with costs on top of my dental treatment for something that wasn’t my fault! It was a basic administrative error, I can prove that, they can prove that….and for the record, YOU will have to chase me for payment because I’ve chased you useless bunch of sods enough times already that I may request that you pay my phone bill!”

DS: “Well, you are responsible for your own health”.

Me: “Yes, I am. And I saw to my own health when I went to the dentists for treatment, and I accept I need to pay for that treatment. But I am NOT paying anything more than what I owe them just because you lot want to penalise me for an admin error on someone elses part”.

DS: “Well….”

Me: “No well, you will get that letter, you will process it, you will then chase me for payment, then you will piss off!”

I don’t usually lose my shit like that, but I couldn’t take anymore on top of everything else. I really lost my shit because I hate jobsworths, I offer them the easy option, I do everything they ask, and they still push for the extra fee when it wasn’t my fault.

If they take it further – I will bite not just bark.

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Clean Bandits – Mozarts House (Because I needed something happy)

Middlemen (Recruitment Consultant edition)

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**Sorry folks I’m a bit ranty today, not necessarily sweary for a change but definitely ranty**

I’ve been on the phone with recruitment consultants all day today….All.Sodding.Day! For some reason every job I apply to ends up with the applications going to recruiters for vetting, then they call, talk to me about my CV, have a “casual chat” (which actually comes across as a telephone interview), they then waffle about the company while emailing through a person/job specification for the CV to be adapted to (which kick starts the process over again) and they always, ALWAYS, end with “we’ll see how it goes from here!”.

I’ll tell you how it goes from there, ready:

1. The process is repeated about five or six times before you lose your shit and say “I’m done with adapting my CV, if you want to change it yourself to how you think it’d look best then go for it, you have carte blanche!”

2. The job is given to someone else because the recruiter is too busy faffing around on the slightest detail to remember that the deadline has been and gone – all the while you assume they’ve actually passed your application on and are waiting eagerly by the phone for a face-to-face interview or rejection (before recruiters argue the toss with me about this – this has happened six times in two weeks to me!).

3. You have to go to their office to register with them face-to-face before they’ll progress with the application for the job…you go dressed like a professional, you take all the paperwork (completed I might add), you take the ID they require, you smile, you’re polite, you answer all their questions (that they asked you over the phone already), you make a few jokes and you don’t fart at the table…you leave (to them saying “we’ll see how it goes from here”) thinking everything is cool. They then call you not an hour later to say “oops, did I mention that the job you applied to was actually at second stage interview? No? Oh darn it, I should have mentioned that”.

I know recruitment consultants work as a business, I know that they pull these stunts to get more clients on their books but seriously, it’s annoying that you don’t see any benefit to doing all this. Have I gone to any interviews on the back of joining a recruitment consultancy group? Nope. If I knew that jobs were being advertised by the consultancy groups would I bother applying for them? Probably not.

Why am I ranting about this? Well…tomorrow I have a face-to-face interview with yet another recruitment consultant (taking my total to fifteen), I have to do this because I like the sound of the job I’ve (already) applied to (without knowing I’d need to register with this recruiter), and my application won’t be considered if I don’t register with them.

The only plus point is that this consultancy group is a twenty minute drive away from my home as opposed to the previous lot that were based in Manchester which not only cost me a small fortune money wise but was a waste of time.

I just want to cut out the middleman (or woman) and apply to a company directly without all the fuss and aggro and paperwork that comes with recruitment consultants. I know it’s easier for the companies to do all their vetting through these individuals but it’s seriously a pain the ringer akin to hemorrhoids (not that I know what they feel like) for job seekers.

Loki-Lou

PS – Your eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 4th comes to you from my best buddy Steph (if you’d prefer to tweet me a request instead of an email/comment folks then feel free to do so!):

(I give you the fabulous Benedict Cumberbatch ;) )

Today’s song of the day is:

The Naked and Famous – Young Blood (because sometimes you just need something to dance to!….Also I thought the band name was rather apt given the calendar choice today).
NaBloPoMo December 2012

Job Interview Escapades Part 2 (The Internal Candidate Edition!)

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**Bit of a ranty sweary post here folks so as usual, if you’re a bit sensitive to either of those please feel free to wait until tomorrow’s post which should hopefully be a bit calmer!**

Today has been a pretty awful day with regards to job interviews, it really has been a stark contrast to yesterday’s rather interesting day…basically I was due to attend an interview in Manchester this morning, I was awake at the ass crack of dawn getting ready, doing some final reading and starting the journey to make the appointment time.

I know Manchester pretty well so decided to walk from Deansgate, mostly because I like Deansgate, a little because I find it easier to get my bearings on foot.

I had two maps…one was from the company itself, the other was from Google. I opted to follow instructions from the company, after all you’d assume they’d know how to get to the building right? It’s just an assumption you make when someone sends you the details isn’t it? Well…..their instructions were bollocks! Big, sweaty, hairy bollocks! They lead me to a motorway, with no way of crossing it unless I wanted to end up as a statistic after a fight with a speeding van!

So I decided to call the company…

Me: “So I followed your instructions and I’m now at the side of a motorway so either your directions are wrong or I’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere….chances are I’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere but I just want to check them with you”.

Receptionist: “Our directions aren’t wrong, so you must be wrong”.

Me: *reads out the directions to her*

Receptionist: “They’re right, I’m telling you they’re right, you’re wrong”.

Me: *then paces back to the last street sign to check the name* “Erm….but according to the street name I’m not wrong….if your directions are right”.

Receptionist: “You are wrong….we are right….what are you interviewing for anyway?”

Me: “HR Administrator”.

Receptionist: “Oh, well we finished interviewing for that yesterday so you don’t need to bother….didn’t you get the message?”

Me: “No, I got no message cancelling the appointment”.

Receptionist: “Well we left a voicemail” (Anyone else smell BULLSHIT because I had no voicemails or missed calls?!).

Me: “When?”

Receptionist: “Yesterday…..we’re going to hire internally”.

At this point she abruptly hung up, I ended up with my face twitching and a torrent of curse words strangling me. My blood boiling, my face beaming red with heat despite the freezing air. I stalked back to Manchester centre to grab a coffee and calm down – it was only when I checked the Google directions (while sipping a salted caramel latte) against the company one did I see that they did indeed differ….about three stages from the end!

Google went left where their directions went right.

(I’m wondering whether they accidently emailed through old directions, perhaps they’d had an older office….after checking online it was pretty obvious I should have trusted Google).

I suppose I should be more annoyed about that than the whole “we are hiring internally” part, but I’m not…because this is an excuse I’m hearing alot. While I appreciate companies need to advertise positions externally when they may already have someone in mind, I don’t appreciate spending the time, effort and money attending interviews for jobs I have no chance of getting.

Today alone I have heard that excuse three times…one company was lovely enough to say that if they hadn’t had someone internal in mind then the job would have been mine. I say lovely…perhaps “salt in the wound” is a better description.

I’d rather be rejected straight up for a role than get overly stressed or excited about a vacancy that is pretty much already filled!

As such, my face is now like this:

(Can you hear my teeth grinding together?…..too sodding right you can!)

Oh….all this said….in keeping with my Loki mindset I had this conversation today:

Recruiter: “Ignore the moustache….I know it looks weird”.

Me: “Taking part in Movember huh? It doesn’t look that bad!”

Recruiter: “Yeah, I was talked into it….terrible huh?”

Me: “Seen as we’re sharing, I was thinking of taking part in Fanuary“.

Recruiter: O_o

I hope the rest of you are having a Happy Thorsday!

(I can’t remember where I came across this picture…if anyone knows the owner of this please let me know and I’ll credit them because this is awesome…also – this is totally me where sweets are concerned!)

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is:

Three Days Grace – I hate everything about you (Just because I’m feeling stroppy right now…it’s not directed at you lovely peeps….more so at the fricking companies!).

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Job Centre Triage

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**This situation happened during my last meeting at the Job Centre**

I sat across from my advisor, my job application tracker (done in an Excel spreadsheet as the little green books I keep getting given fill up too quickly) and a list of short courses that I was curious about attending were sitting on the table between us. My advisor looked a little bit flustered by the amount of paperwork I had provided, he always seemed flustered by it, his face beamed red as he eyed it, wondering where exactly to start.

I shuffled on the seat, my legs shaking nervously…for some reason the Job Centre makes me incredibly nervous, it reminds me of attending exams at school. As though you’re just waiting to be caught out by the examiner because you haven’t revised for the test and had spent the whole time playing Zelda.

Eventually he motioned to pick up the application list, he fanned his face with it first, muttered something incomprehensible and then started flittering back and forth between the pages. As I watched his movements with all the interest as you would give to the dissection of a new animal species I was reminded of something my friend had told about when he had been a job seeker.

“Did you used to send people to an interview on the day they came to see you? If they were suitable for jobs you found on your system?” I queried knowing that it was through one of these automatic interviews that my friend had acquired his job.

“We did…well, we do” my advisor murmured while reading through my spreadsheet list of applications (now in excess of 160 jobs!).

“You do?” I couldn’t hide the surprise (and confusion I dare say) in my voice.

“Yes, we do” he still didn’t look up from the spreadsheet…if anything he was glaring at the words more intently than before.

“Why haven’t you sent me for anything?” at this he did look at me…questioningly at first which appeared to dissolve into a pitying stare.

“Because you’re fine as is” he said, shrugging, as though this explained everything.

“Fine as is?” I pulled my ‘are you shitting me?’ face before adding “I’m still unemployed so surely I’m not fine as is? I’m still sitting around waiting to be hired while trying to survive on the meagre amount of benefit you allow me”.

“Trust me – you are fine as is, you don’t need sending for interviews” his tone sharp, snappy.

I quietly contemplated this for a moment as he returned to my paperwork, scrutinizing each item on the list as though he was breaking a top secret highly important code and I was acting as an inconvenience to his task.

“How do you decide if I’m ‘fine as is’ and that I don’t need you to set up interviews with companies?” I uttered at last, eagerly wanting to know the criteria behind these decisions.

“You apply for work….so you are not high risk….you are a low risk claimant…as such we don’t need to send you for interviews” he explained slowly, as though speaking to a child.

“And these interviews….are they for very basic jobs?” my interest piqued.

“Not always…it depends on the jobs available, sometimes we even send people for trainee manager positions, we have a list of jobs that we can allocate people to” he waved a hand at his computer monitor as though this would instantly bring up this fabled system of allocated vacancies.

“Are these jobs on your normal system? Can anyone apply for them?”

“No, we have to send you to them…that’s what I mean by ‘allocated’”.

My brain started ticking over faster and faster as it processed his words…and then froze with a stark realisation.

“So…you’re saying that I could be being overlooked for jobs, overlooked for automatic interviews, because I’m applying for work which makes me a low risk claimant?”

“Exactly! You don’t need the extra help” he laughed dismissively.

“So because I’m doing everything right…you’re penalising me?” I kept my voice neutral, not wishing to cause a scene as I could sense the anger bubbling under the surface.

“No, not at all. We just don’t think you need sending for these interviews…there are people out there who don’t apply for work and who need to be in work…these people are high risk so we send them for interviews…they need this extra help”

I baulked at his explanation…then let go of the words I was trying to restrain.

“You’re giving interviews to people who don’t want to even apply for work and not asking those who are actually looking? Do you know how backwards that sounds? Surely it makes more sense to send those who want to work to interviews? Especially those who have been out of work for months on end, while applying for hundreds of jobs, who are qualified and experienced enough to do a wide variety of jobs and those who are going stir crazy sitting at home while going through the motions of application forms day after day….you’re saying I don’t warrant the same courtesy given to those who don’t give a damn?”.

My advisor merely shrugged and shuffled the papers before stating very clearly “you are not high risk enough”.

I wish I was bullshitting you all, I really do….alas I’m not.

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day:

Linkin Park – Lost in the Echo (Who doesn’t love a bit of Chester Bennington’s voice?)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

5 years time

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“Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?”

This is the question I hate the most when being interviewed, especially at the moment…..this time last year I had the answer to this all planned out. I was going to do my qualification in Human Resources, I was going to get a couple of promotions (maybe move to a bigger company), I would have married the guy that is now my ex, moved to a bigger home….I’d hoped to be a mother by then.

Now? ….what can I say to that question?

In 5 years time I see myself…what?

In 5 years I hope I no longer hurt, in 5 years I hope to be happy, in 5 years I hope I no longer miss him, I hope to be healthy, to be successful, to still be writing….in 5 years time I hope to experience what it’s like to love again.

How do you explain that to an interviewer?

How do you say to a potential employer that the only thing you want to happen in the next five years is for your life to be back on track?

Perhaps…I should opt for another approach….

In the next 5 years I’m going to lose this comfort food podge, I’m going to run a marathon, learn to snowboard, go back to rockclimbing, see more live bands. I’m going to finish a novel (let’s go first draft), I’m going to have a new group of friends, I’m going to spend more nights drunkenly dancing on tables in heels, I’m going to appreciate my family more, I’m going to recognise that I am stronger than I ever imagined I could be…I’m going to travel to more countries, learn more languages, experience new foods, new cultures, new ways of life.

In 5 years time I’m going to be me…but I am going to be a better version of me.

And maybe have coffee date with Tobias Menzies (or Tom Hiddleston…depends who wins the mud wrestling competition)…I’d settle for Nescafe coffee too! ;)

Vs

(In the words of Harry Hill - FIGHT!!!!!!…..anyone want tickets?)

Where do you guys and gals see yourselves in 5 years time?

Loki-Lou

PS – In keeping with the “Wonderful Team Member Readership Award” I would like to introduce my final blog nominee “My antidepressant life” – at times it’s quirky, other times it’s funny but on the whole it is fabulous! Bloggy love right there folks!

Today’s song of the day is:

M83 – My tears are becoming the sea (close your eyes as you listen to this…trust me!).

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Stephen Hawking….Burnley edition!

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Today I had an appointment with a recruitment consultant at the Job Centre (that place is becoming my second home at the moment!); I’d filled in all the paperwork, I’d brought the ID they required, I’d even made a bit of an effort by bobbing on some make-up (for some reason if you look quite smart while at that building everyone asks you for money!).

(“Oi luv, can you spare 20p?”…for some reason it’s always 20p…what the crap can you get for 20p? What a strange amount to ask for…I’d want £1 at least!)

Anyway, I was killing a bit of time prior to the appointment by using their touch screen job finder (that for some reason always gives an obscure place in Scotland when you search “local area”). Across from me was a family that hummed as though they hadn’t bathed since both parents had been swimming in amniotic fluid, that quite sickly scent of ageing BO that makes your stomach go “what the holy bollocks is that? Must expel contents in response!” and makes your nose wrinkle as your nostrils try to shrivel up until completely closed.

I felt sorry for them. I really did. Until…

“Right you little shit you’re getting no dummy or bottle because you won’t shut your frigging mouth!”

This was the mother, speaking to her child…a child that had only uttered a small gurgled giggle once, in response to seeing a dog running about outside. I realise parents get flustered, I appreciate that they get angry…but that sort of language and aggressive behaviour towards an infant doesn’t sit well with me. She saw my scowl and turned her attention to her own job hunting.

The Mother (TM): “I don’t want to be a cleaner”

The Father (TF): “Well don’t be a cleaner…be something you want to be”

TM: “But I don’t want to do anything, I want to go home”

TF: “We can’t go home, we have to meet the advisor…I’ve found a couple of things I need to ring up for too….just pick a few things”

TM: “But I don’t want to do none of it!”

TF: “Make an effort luv, pick something just to show the advisor”

TM: “Fine….I’m going to be a scientist”

TF: “A scientist?!”

TM: “Yeah….I’m going to be a phy-tal-ist”

Me and TF: O_o

TM: “That’s a scientist innit?”

TF: “You mean physicist?”

TM: “Yeah….I’ll be one of them…….what is it they do?”

(They both then looked at the job board, looked at each other, then looked at me)

TM: “Oi luv, what’s a physicist?”

Me: “Someone who works in physics…mostly research”

TM: “People actually do that?”

TF: “Oh, like that Hawk dude?”

Me: “Stephen Hawking”

TF: “Yeah….that’s the guy…the guy that was in that band, been on TV recently!”

Me: “Erm….I  think you mean Brian Cox”

TF: “He’s that actor isn’t he?”

TM: “I don’t think I’ll do that science- thing….sounds proper boring and stupid”

Me: O_o

Regular readers will be aware that I have a science degree so my stance on research is totally different to the view of this family…if anything I want the government to pull their fingers out and invest more money! But I don’t think it was my place to sit them down and explain to them the benefits of science…especially as I was pretty sure the whistling sound in the room was a breeze blowing through their noggins!

For those concerned about the child – I know the advisor at the centre is actually dealing with it. Hopefully the right thing will be done by the kid!

Loki-Lou

PS -Again, in keeping with the “Wonderful Team Member Readership Award” I would like to introduce Akl over at LiveLafeLove, she’s supportive, she’s caring and she writes an amazing blog. Bloggy love required over there folks!

Today’s song of the day is:

Tinchy Stryder ft N-Dubz – Number 1 (I don’t even like N-Dubz but for some reason this song has been playing in my head since I woke up this morning so I thought I’d share the madness)…..perhaps I should have gone with a bit of D:Ream ;)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

BlogHer NaBloPoMo challenge month – “Hello Cabin fever”

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**Sweary post ahead folks!**

I fear I’m going mad…without a job I am going completely mad! My brain is dissolving into mush from the tripe on day time television, I can’t spend money (because I don’t have it), I (majorly) surpassed the 100 ‘jobs applied’ to number on the Job seeker spreadsheet the other day, my sleep pattern is completely out (I’m getting to bed between 5am-7am) and I also think that I have every word of “Thor” memorised. Not that the last one is a terrible thing….unless you randomly quote Loki while having a conversation with someone *cough* regular occurrence *cough*

It’s getting to the point where I’m not bothering to put on make-up (not that I fussed about that anyway), or wear my contacts (glasses are less hassle), change out of my pj’s (not leaving the house so what’s the point) or straighten my hair (I got nothing to justify that one). I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, luckily I still shower everyday otherwise I could add “smells like I had a fight with a shit-spreading tractor” to my current description too.

It is getting to the point where I may start playing “Mouthful of Shit” by Chumbawamba down the phone to my employment advisor and the recruitment consultants who keep insisting that I’d be an “asset to any company” (I’d do it everyday if it wasn’t considered harassment). I actually don’t believe them…I’m just going through the motions of the application forms:

Why do you want this job?

Because I’m beginning to torture my soul by watching crap like “The Real Housewives of nobody gives a fuck” and “Jeremy ‘Jerry Springer’ Kyle”.

What skills do you have?

A fully working bullshit detector……I can also scream various profanities in Klingon.

What could you bring to this company?

The Tesseract….when I locate it!…that said, give Thor enough alcohol and I’m sure he’ll be as subtle as a fart in a one man tent with regards to it’s location (I’m from Burnley…Asgardian drinking habits are nothing compared to ours!). 

I’m spending most of time on many job sites to the extent that I actually know job reference numbers off by heart! That shouldn’t happen….but my brain needs to be kept occupied otherwise I end up learning random facts at 3am! Useless facts!

I can’t seem to explain to people that by having my life on hold (until an employer takes pity on me), I’m going completely round the bend! I don’t know what it’s like to have all this time free and empty, I’ve never had this much free time….I’ve always had an extremely manic schedule, not just with work – but exercise, social life, arts, culture, volunteering, etc.

I need to be busy!

Excuse me now folks while I build a fort out of cushions and prepare to hibernate until sunny climates awaken the job market.

Loki-Lou

PS – Today’s song of the day is:

Dandy Warhols – Bohemian Like You (I used to have the lyrics texted to me on a daily basis from a friend of mine….good times).

BlogHer NaBloPoMo challenge month – “Loki-Lou SMASH! Damned Job Centre”

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Today was signing on day at the Job Centre, it is my 20 minute appointment with an “advisor”…it is the time I need to spend proving I’ve been trying my hardest to find work, I have to produce evidence of my actions, I have to list agencies I’ve been chasing, I have to analyse the interviews I have been to in order to work out if I did anything wrong. I hate those 20 minutes…they make me feel worthless (if you’re a regular reader I’m sure you’ll understand why, if not check out this post, this one, and maybe this one too).

Today’s main question was: “Do you think you’re doing all you can to find work?”

Now….let’s see shall we, since I saw my advisor last (two weeks ago) I’ve;

- applied for over 90 jobs in various fields ranging from basic “administrative assistant” to “mental health researcher” (in a laboratory and academic setting) – with alternative CV’s and covering letters.

- applied for 3 volunteer positions (I have another few lined up) just to get me out of the house.

- applied for 10 graduate schemes (management and research) throughout the UK.

- researched various internships here in the north west.

- listed 6 PhD positions I’m going to apply to this weekend (I’ve already applied for 2 different ones)…the covering letters are a killer!

- Searched various courses they could send me on (but unless they’re linked to my previous education or the work experience I have they won’t be considered…they can’t pay for units in a Human Resources CIPD because it’s too expensive, and the next step for my education is a doctoral programme of some kind – so I’m stuffed there).

- I’ve been into town and handed my CV into quite a few places (I’ve also taken some to Manchester when I’ve visited there in search of work).

- I’ve adapted my CV for different job positions (this means removing my MSc and in cases my BSc…..the Job Centre and rejection letters/emails that state “overqualified” as a reason make feel ashamed for having an education that I nearly killed myself doing).

- signed up with 6 different recruitment agencies online, and chased up the ones I signed up to in town.

- stated I’m willing to relocate for jobs (provided the wage is high enough to cover the living expenses).

- agreed to re-train provided there is a job at the end of it.

- emailed various places/people asking if they have work (even if they’re not advertising).

What do you think readers? Am I doing enough? Is there anything else I could possibly be doing? Maybe I should compile and send these Job Centre posts to editors (magazine/newspaper) or bite the bullet and send the lot to my MP!

I’m at a loss folks!

Loki-Lou

PS- today’s song of the day is:

Daughtry – What about now

BlogHer NaBloPoMo challenge month – “Career plans”

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I’ve had plenty of time recently to look back at all the plans I’d made throughout my working life, the career paths I wanted to explore, the skills I’d gained and the reasons I hadn’t pursued those fleeting dreams.

When I had completed my GCSE’s I went to the local college to enrole, I had no idea what I wanted after my longing to become a writer took a battering…so I asked the stranger infront of me in the queue to pick three courses at random…he did – English, Law and Psychology. Those are the A-levels I enrolled for…those are the A-levels I completed (I passed them all). Each student was pushed to attend university, to gain a degree…the government insisted that all college students would be better off with a degree, that it would be easier to find work.

So once again…I asked a stranger to pick my course. My degree course! He picked a BSc Psychology degree. Psychology! Again! I had to attend a university close to home for personal reasons…I couldn’t just up and leave. I had to stay home…I had to care for someone.

Looking back I realise that the reason I placed so much of my education in the hands of strangers was because aside from writing (and a fleeting love affair with veterinary science) there was nothing in world I could see myself doing. There was nothing I wanted to do career wise except become a novelist. I just went through with gaining an education because it was the done thing, it was expected…but I didn’t have the confidence to do creative writing.

I spent three years studying, three years of exams…three years of caring for someone, working full time hours and juggling assignments. My dissertation came and I found a love for reading stat analyses at A&E (remember I was caring for someone who was pretty ill – those trips were frequent), my research and writing was done while I was at work or upon  return from the hospital. My life was crammed full…I had no room to breathe. I needed help…and I got help (a counsellor). Despite everything I graduated. I’m still surprised I did.

I’ve worked and volunteered in mental health, learning disabilities and research for over ten years…I did my MSc degree in an area dedicated to dementia. BUT this isn’t the area I wanted my life to be in…far from it! I never expected my life to revolve around it, but it has, for as long as I can remember it has.

I once even applied to become a Clinical Psychologist, I got to the interview stage…but they knew I didn’t want it, that I wasn’t ready (that was actually their feedback – they were right! They were psychologists afterall).

What if I’d ditched the dream of becoming a writer and focussed more on a career in psychology? Would I have been much use to anyone? Would I have made a good psychologist? Why can’t I just let go of the silly writing dream?

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is the absolutely amazing:

Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe – How can I go on (I love Freddie’s voice…he was such a talented bloke!).

BlogHer NaBloPoMo challenge month – “Jobs, jobs, jobs!”

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Today I’ve been job hunting (AGAIN)….admin, lab work, research, general dogsbody, jobs, jobs, jobs! My mind is racing with the many application form questions! Previous jobs? Responsibilities? Why do you want the job? Do you need to give notice at your current job? If not, why not? What skills do you have? Are these skills at a beginner, intermediate or advanced level? What is your qualification level? Transferable skills? Can you fart “God Save the Queen” in the bath? And burp the alphabet backwards?

ARGH!

(Me an hour into the process!)

I changed my profiles on a variety of job hunting sites from jobs.ac.uk to monster (even though I know monster is shit!) and reset the search settings…I altered my resume for a variety of different roles and even prepared covering letters to match.

Oh the motivation to find work was there….But (and I’ve been told it’s the folly of a Gemini) I started to get bored of reading job/person specs that overlapped one another so much that the same person may as well have created them. I have so much work experience that it’s not impossible for me to look at multiple required skills and be able to provide answers from a range of different fields.

Hours upon hours are wasting away by me trying to sell myself to employers in this economy – yes, I genuinely think those hours would be better served by me sleeping! The two interviews I went to the other week have been radio silence ever since, I’m taking this to mean that I was unsuccessful despite the panels promising they would call with the outcome regardless of whether it was good or bad (on Monday I’m ringing them for feedback). Honestly – employers, one little phone call to say I’m not good enough would suffice and stop me sitting by the phone waiting for you to be bothered, I’ve dated committment phobic blokes who are more reliable!

I guess the plus side to all this is that my Job Centre Advisor is going to have his mind blown by the pages of paperwork I’ll be dragging along with me on Friday. He suggested I attend interview technique classes, now I have a major issue with this which is- wouldn’t I need to be at least getting a couple more interviews in order to use said techniques? I’m being a good little job seeker and attending the damn thing anyway because it’s been suggested it’d be good for me.

As you can see I’m finding the whole thing very stressful and such a thing tends to have horrible repercussions with regards to my level of self-worth. I’ve been on job-seekers for 5 weeks and I’m already clawing the walls! I hate to think what I’ll be like if I end up stagnating like this for the next 6 months (which, let’s face it, isn’t an impossible scenario).

Sigh!

(“Whaddya mean I’m not bloody qualified to be ruler of Asgard?!”…..oh wait)

I love that angry Loki look…that said, there’s not a Loki look I’m not fond of!

Now then…..Should I apply for the PhD’s that have caught my eye?

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is:

Jack Savoretti – Soldier’s Eyes (how wonderful is his voice?!)