Tag Archives: Lancashire

Thoughtful Thorsday – ASBO neighbourhood

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My hometown is a tiny little place, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone else….that kid who shit himself at school that day, yep, he’s now working for the council….that big headed little trollop who bullied you because your baps grew in rather quickly once puberty hit, now works in a travel agents.

You fart at one end of town and I guarantee you it’ll be heard at the other end!

I kid you not.

But this is not the only disadvantage to this place….there are many! The mills have been destroyed as businesses were shipped abroad, the pubs went under because people couldn’t afford to spend money they didn’t have there, there are pound shops popping up everywhere.

We are town the government have forgotten….they’re allowing us to flaunder.

There is nothing really to do here….which is where the ASBO part of the title comes in. The streets are full of rowdy kids who think nothing of loitering around, shouting abuse (some of the swear words they come out with make me want to barf!), kicking wing mirrors off cars and generally being shit bags.

Some of you may have read my twitter response to a group of kids leaning on my neighbours car and scratching the paint on the bonnet…basically I wanted to throw a water balloon of piss over them and their smug little faces.

If I did that I would probably have my own ASBO, if not a criminal charge for assault.

Those kids on the other hand, don’t even get a stern word from the police…even when they destroy someone elses property.

I’d say blame the parents….but I can’t say all parents are to blame.

I do think we have a nanny state going on….which I think it is a big problem!

Maybe I’m just getting old before my time.

Happy Thorsday you gorgeous creatures! 

Hiddles on a panel

(Yeah….ignore the name board thingy….this isn’t Mark Ruffalo…..)

The Avengers Red Carpet Premiere

(THIS is Mark Ruffalo!)

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

B.o.B (ft Bruno Mars) – Nothing on you (Ain’t got nuthin’ on you!….gets stuck in your head doesn’t it?)

Oh – and if you’re a fan of the blog, come find me on facebook – say hi!

The world in the early morning

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So I’ve been at my new job for just over a week (I love it so far!) and I can usually be found at my desk with a coffee in hand at 7:30am while checking emails. I’ve arranged my hours so I can avoid rush hour traffic, so I can actually be home at a reasonable time.

And usually napping mid-afternoon.

The commute to work takes me about an hour….that’s right folks, I leave the house at 6:30am. My alarm goes off at 5:30am….a horrible, ungodly hour!…I have a cuppa tea at 5:45am. I’m adjusting to the new hours, I feel exhausted, my sleep pattern is slowly changing.

I’ll get used to it in time!

But….I’m commuting to work as the sun rises, as the sky is bathed in beautiful reds and pinks.

I drive on motorways that are pretty empty, listening to various Radio debates. Very few other drivers share my early morning trips, the world seems so eerily quiet, serene almost. I actually quite like my commute in the mornings.

Even though at the moment the mornings here in the UK are still rather frosty and cold, bitingly so at times.

I’m driving to a job that doesn’t fill me with dread….I’m driving to a place that has given me a decent opportunity to prove myself.

A place that has given me hope for a career.

A place that has given me hope for a secure future.

A place that allows me to see Lancashire from a different perspective in the early morning.

A different way of seeing life.

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is:

Paramore – Now (because of reasons…)

The exercise-phobic and the running club

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So…one thing that has been bothering me since I left London is the fact that I had to give up my bulldog of a personal trainer…and when I say bulldog I’m being kind, she was an absolute demon in the gym (but a complete darling outside of it)! That said – I adored her, she pushed me to my limits and then threw me completely through them. She shouted, she bawled, she was encouraging, she kept me running when my legs turned to jelly, she kept me weightlifting when my arms were after sodding off to the pub.

She kept me motivated. And trust me when I say that is not an easy thing to do. Maybe it’s a northern thing, maybe it’s a Gemini thing….maybe it’s just a girl thing….but I can get de-motivated or bored incredibly quickly.

She was an absolute god-send for someone like me!

I miss her!

Now that I’m back up North I’ve let things slip…not too much though, I’m about 9.2 stone (128.8 pounds I think) at last weigh in, so at 5’2″ I’m considered “healthy” by the BMI scale (I think). BUT, I have gotten ‘flabby’ (yes that’s a technical term!), I’m not as toned as I was and I definitely don’t feel particularly healthy.

So….I resolved to change this – this started with a healthier diet (sorry chocolate, Wine Gums, Mountain Dew….I love you guys but we have such a toxic relationship), I managed this for a couple of weeks without completely rebelling and binging on junk…then decided to introduce exercise back into my weekly routine.

On Wednesday I attended a running club (they said suitable for beginners….I call bullshit), their version of a nice gentle run was a 4 miler that included the nastiest hill in town (up hill folks! Up hill!). Now I haven’t done a proper run in about 3 years when I did the Manchester 10k, so my body did ok for 5k (about 3 mile) then felt really awful. It felt sickly, it hurt, it ached…and we finished the 4 miler wanting to curl up on the ground.

“No more” my body cried “no more!”

“Just 30 min of drills” the running group said “just 30 min”.

“Ok” I uttered much to my body’s dismay.

30 minutes of drills later and my body muttered “one more fucking squat or jump and I’ll hurl chilli con carne all over the floor, don’t test me bitch!”

So, after an internal debate about whether I wanted the new running group to experience a full blown Loki-Lou body wobbler I exited the exercise class. They understood, being a beginner they didn’t expect much from me anyway and was surprised I stayed around for part of the drills.

The day after my body was giving the evils by aching in every muscles from my chest downwards, it stropped about having to get out of bed, it stropped about having to walk downstairs, it just stropped.

What it didn’t realise was that these changes are necessary, and it will be back at the running group next Wednesday. And the Wednesday after that. As well as hitting the gym and possibly back to rock climbing an evening a week.

It’s going to get used to this shit….because it needs to.

It may be stropping now…but it’ll get over it!

zombiesrunning

(I’m in training for a Zombie attack!….has anyone used this app by the way? Is it any good? I kinda want to try it)

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Bruno Mars – When I was your man (I love love love this tune!)

Oh – if you’re fans of the blog, come join me on facebook too for more random whitterings.

Dear 15 year old self…

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Dear 15 year old self,

Here are a few home truths and tidbits for you to look forward to…

- You are a spiteful, hateful, self absorbed individual….or should I just call you a bitch and have done with it. This attitude of yours will change!

- You try too hard to make the wrong people like you when really you shouldn’t bother…they will still kick the shit out of you at any given moment anyway…they are wasted energy!

- You will grow up incredibly quickly when you have to care for someone you love…and as scary as the 2am trips to A&E are, don’t worry, he’ll be ok. Oh, and please don’t resent him, he can’t help what’s happening to him…and he doesn’t mean to cause all this worry!

- You will meet someone who you think you love…he will beat you, he will demean you…you will self harm, you will be depressed. But you will get through it (after a few years of therapy)! Someone unexpected will save you from yourself, he will never know what he prevented from happening, but you are forever in his debt.

- You get a BSc and an MSc….so yes, you are a smart cookie….don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

- You will become so ill that you will beg doctors to kill you…nurses will have to pin you down to administer medication. Your arms will be bruised from their attempts to get needles into your veins. Everything will hurt. You will be confused. Light will cause you to scream in pain. You won’t be able to walk. The medical professionals will have to knock you out. You won’t be lucid enough to remember your own name…you will only fleetingly remember aspects of this (don’t worry, amnesia is perfectly normal after what you go through). But you get through it….your body shut you down because it needed to, it couldn’t cope and you ignored the warning signs. You are not invincible, you need to accept that you need to take care of yourself….and you need to appreciate your life! Your health!

- You will understand pure grief….and experience sharing the grief of others. They are very different experiences…but necessary.

- You will experience London…just as you always wanted. But you will feel isolated…you are a social creature, and in a city such as that, strangers don’t smile and say hi to each other. And they certainly don’t give a shit if they see a stranger crying their eyes out in emotional pain. Trust me with that!

- This one is an important one so listen up….in your first job out of school (yes, it is waitressing!), when you are 16, you will be introduced to your supervisor (who is 6 years your senior). As soon as you set eyes on him you will instantly know you really love him…and it will confuse the hell out of you. You will waste hours just observing him, you will work extra shifts late into the night just to be the last one on shift with him. You will eventually date him….and you will hurt him. Really hurt him. You will break his heart for some stupid reason. Now take note of this bit - this will be your biggest regret!  A part of you will always love him, it never goes away, you will wonder how he is, what he’s doing, if he’s happy…you will compare every other man to him (they fail btw), when you smell the spray he used to wear you will be consumed by a love for him. You will miss him everyday…and you will have caused this!

- You will have your own heart broken…quite hellishly I might add. You will lose everything you thought you wanted. It will hurt…emotionally and physically. You will be left with nothing but tattered shreds of an existance.

- Now then girly….I would call that karma! Wouldn’t you? But don’t worry….

- A homeless man will teach you that your view on life was skewed. Your family will rescue your sorry ass from the gutter.The Job Centre and unemployment line will teach you not to judge people so quickly. Each rejected application form will make you more stubborn and drive yourself to succeed. Your friends will help you piece back your shattered personality……And your ex-supervisor will be the one to show you forgiveness.

- Your ex-supervisor will give you your faith in love back. When you meet him again you will realise you can’t live your life without him…and that will shake your whole world. You feel guilt over hurting him all those years ago…but will use this to ensure you will never hurt him again. You will fall in love with him all over again. But you won’t be afraid this time.

- Your life is a chaotic mess….but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

- Even if it was possible to change all of these events…I’m not sure you’d want to. Because to do so would alter your future self…and, while she’s not perfect, she’s actually someone you’d want to be.

Someone you aspired to be.

- While the life your future self has isn’t the one you think you want…it’s the life you’re supposed to have.

- It will make you humble, it will make you appreciative of what you have, you won’t be consumed by hate or self loathing, you will understand how fragile life is, how fragile your heart is, you will understand the hurt you caused by breaking someone else’s heart…you’ll have loyal friends, the broken family bonds will be fixed, and you will have a bloke in your life who loves you for who you are (and you will learn to let go of the regret).

Love, your future self (Loki-Lou – oh, and the nickname will match your personality, trust me with that).

PS – The eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 23rd comes to you from the fabulous Katie-Lou and fellow mischief maker Alison:

Nate Reuss

(The pretty cute Nate Reuss)

Jeremy Renner

(And Mr. Hawkeye himself….Jeremy Renner!)

Todays song of the day is:

FUN -  Some Nights (because you need to listen to Nate’s gorgeous voice!).
NaBloPoMo December 2012

Home and the heart

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When I was growing up, I used to dream of a world away from my little hometown…I used to dream of living in a large elegant city with gothic architecture, or perhaps a quaint little fishing village, or a beautiful farmhouse with acres of land inhabited by animals. I dreamed many a dream of different lives, different places in which to create something mine….somewhere other than the town in which I was born, in which my mother was born, in which her mother was born.

I found my little town stifling, I wanted to spread my wings and fly as far away as I could until they cramped up and I fell from the sky! I wanted never to return once I had left.

Eventually the day did arrive when I left, in search of my new world in London….full of hope, full of longing to live the way my dreams had lead me to believe that I could. That I could achieve everything…

I failed. That life fell apart. My dreams crumbled away.

I had the choice to stay and fight for what I thought I wanted or to walk away and dismiss the dreams….returning back to my hometown.

I let that dream die. I turned my back on it. I didn’t have it in me to fight for it.

My hometown is the same as it always was…but I see it differently. Being around people with the same accent I used to hear in my own voice (mine changed in London…it’s not as broad as it was….but it will be once again I don’t doubt) warms my heart. I trace the paths I walked as a child with a smile on my face as my mind is flooded with memories, I fill my time with catching up with lost friends, with making new friends, with adoring my family…and of falling for someone new (well perhaps not new….my second chance never fully left).

Perhaps it’s the time of year, perhaps it’s how I am now…but my hometown is not stifling. I realise now it can hold the dreams I had, it already contains those that mean the most to me.

I now question why I ever left….

But I know why.

I was told my ex has (does) read this blog…whether this true or not I have no idea (I have made no attempt to contact him…nor will I)…but if it’s true, if you’re reading this ex of mine, I have something I wish to say to you:

I want to say thank you….I was never destined to have the life I thought we could create together. You weren’t supposed to be mine…and I wasn’t supposed to be yours. I am destined for someone else…someone who will love me despite my flaws.

I hope you are happy…….because I am incredibly happy!

Loki-Lou

PS – Your eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 17th comes to you from my beautiful and wonderfully talented arty buddy Chani!:

Rachel Weisz

(Va-va-voom! …..Rachel Weisz).

Today’s song of the day is:

Owl City – Fireflies (A simple conversation regardling the glow of fireflies came to this song….it’s wonderful isn’t it?)
NaBloPoMo December 2012

Books and covers

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So yesterday I watched “Panorama – Britain’s Hidden Housing Crisis“, all I can say is that it’s absolutely heartbreaking! A lady with cancer being evicted from her house, because the banks are being unreasonable, who only finds out about her temporary accomodation after she has been made homeless (I hope you’re ashamed of yourselves Barclays), a family forced into emergency housing (six people in a one bed flea ridden flat) despite one of the parents working six days a week, an investment banker who lost everything during a failed venture in America who is now sleeping rough in a park.

You see people walking past the investment banker with utter contempt because he dares to stand on a path near them while dressed in the same clothes he’s been wearing for three weeks, with his unkempt hair. It’s obvious he is homeless. What isn’t obvious to those glaring at him, is the situation that lead to him losing everything.

You see the (very strong and inspirational!) lady undergoing chemo in one scene, and being kicked out of her home of fifteen years in the next scene. She is fighting for her life and loses her home. Her temporary accomodation from the council is a place she doesn’t feel safe….but as part of the agreement for giving her a temporary placement the council makes her sign for the place without giving her the chance to see it!…when she argues this, the council states if she rejects the place, she’s making herself homeless and they’ll refuse her further help (I know I know, you shouldn’t sign for anything without seeing what you’re signing for but…it’s their terms).

It made me sick.

It made utterly disgusted!

And I’m not ashamed to say, that it made me cry!

When I lost everything the first person to show me an ounce of actual kindness (face-to-face) was a homeless man at Preston train station! He will never know how much he changed my life by his act of kindness. But he did change it. Despite his own life being awful, he was concerned about a crying stranger, he chose to make her laugh and to see that life is what you make of it (regardless of how shitty things seem)….and he wanted nothing in return. No money, no hot drink, nothing.

The people I came into contact with while I was travelling back to Lancashire (people who probably had better lives than the homeless man) shunned me, or looked disgusted at me for crying, or kicked at my suitcase that contained my minimal possessions….not one person stopped and asked if I was ok, or offered a tissue. No one gave a shit.

Perhaps it’s just me, but when I lived in London and actually had a good job…a good life….if I saw someone crying on transport I actually offered them tissues and asked if I could help them. I got a few confused looks but more often than not the person would soften and manage a smile just because someone took the time to care.

When did we stop caring?! When did we start seeing those less fortunate than ourselves as something to be treated with such contempt? When did someone else crying suddenly make them invisible? Or make them “disgusting”?

I’m lucky to have a family (and have friends) who are willing to help me piece together my life…some people don’t have that. They really do have nothing.

Loki-Lou

PS – Your eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 14th comes to you once again from my fellow Lancastrian Alison:

James Blunt

(The rather lovely James Blunt!)

Today’s song of the day is:

James Blunt – Wisemen (I thought you might want to hear your eye-candy’s voice!).

NaBloPoMo December 2012

Dating…..you’re doing it wrong!

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“What you up to tonight?” the guitarist texted.

“Nothing really….bit of writing, bit of job hunting, just the usual” I responded (bear in mind I haven’t heard from the guitarist much at all – he took a step back from things when I mentioned I needed time without anything serious and was then photographed out snogging a lot of random women).

Guitarist: “What a boringly dull way of spending Sunday evening!” (yes, he said ‘boringly dull’ ….I wish I was joking!).

Me: “Well…I suppose for some people it might be” (I actually like to spend my Sunday’s writing….have to admit I still don’t like job hunting much).

Guitarist: “I’m at the Miners and it’s karaoke night….it’s brilliant!”

Me: “Uh-huh….can’t say I particularly like karaoke if I’m honest, especially not after watching the recent X-Factor series” (I don’t hate karaoke, I just find it a bit cringe-worthy at times…..plus I’m pretty shocking at singing!).

Guitarist: “I know what you mean – it’s shit really” (this text confused me given his earlier ones).

Me: “If it’s shit then why are you there?”

Guitarist: “Because the beer is cheap….like proper cheap” (*dingdingding* the guy is sozzled!).

Me: “Ah I see, well I suppose there must be a reason to have your ear drums violated in such a way”.

Guitarist: “Exactly – now come out for a pint and kebab, and bring your pink docs, they’re pretty kinky”.

Me: O_o “What?”

Guitarist: “Come for a pint and a kebab! Like right now”.

Me: “Is that what girls in Burnley consider being asked out nowadays?” (yep, at this point I was getting rather miffed with the whole thing).

Guitarist: “Most girls wouldn’t be so lucky” (another “What?!” from me).

Me: “In that case I’m taking a rain check – for one thing the Miners is the biggest sack of shit in Burnley and I’d rather cut out my own ovaries than set foot in there, for another thing – I have enough self respect to know that a beer and kebab does not a date make” (I should point out that the Miners isn’t that bad, there are worse places to drink in Burnley).

Guitarist: “Your loss….next time maybe?”

My loss? MY loss? Really? Ladies of Burnley….in fact, ladies in general….if the guy is shit faced and decides a beer and kebab is an ingenius way of dating then step the hell away! Chances are it’s just a booty call, or a situation in which you will get one very slobbery kiss that tastes of stale ale and rancid kebab (he may even manage to partially tongue your nostril…and said nostril will feel violated for quite a while afterwards!).

Also – when the guy doesn’t ask you on said “date” but rather states you must go, it’s probably time to consider the fact that the guy is an egotistical asshat who is so used to getting his own way that he doesn’t want to ask for permission.

As for my kinky docs….yes, they are very fucking kinky, they are also my property, and as long as they are my property they will be used as I see fit….i.e. not traipsing into some godforsaken shit hole to probably end up with some randomer vomitting on them.

Ladies – unless you only want a booty call then tell yourself you are worth a hell of a lot more than that (and let’s face it, if he’s that popped up that a kebab is in mind then the sex is probably going to be like mating with a half rotten whale with a penis as flaccid as over-cooked spaghetti).

Loki-Lou

PS – Your eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 11th comes to you from the brilliant Alison from across at The Life and Writings of Sleepy Joe:

(I’m sorry but Loki-Lou’s brain is on hold right now, please leave a message after the Channing Tatum….)

Todays song of the day is:

Death Set – “Negative Thinking” (It’s actually a pretty cheery song! I know right?!)

NaBloPoMo December 2012

Job Interview Escapades Part 3 (The Loki-motion Edition!)

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**No I haven’t gone mad, I realise cars cannot talk, but this is how my brain interpreted today with the Loki-motion**

This morning I had my final job interview of the week….at 11am, in Manchester…well, just outside of Manchester, which meant that I didn’t have to panic about driving in the city centre, the company has their own car park (so no worries about paying for a space…if I could even find a space to begin with) and I got to drive there in the Loki-motion rather than take the bus (which was perfect considering I had slept through my alarm)! Or rather it would have been perfect if the Loki-motion had wanted to start this morning.

Key in ignition produced nothing, not even a clicking noise. Nothing, nada, zip!

Me: “Come on Loki-motion, today is not a good day to play silly buggers!”

Loki-motion (LM): “Screw off, I’m freezing….can’t you see the frost! It’s everywhere!”

Me: “I know it’s cold but we have to get to this interview, there’s still time to get there if you start in the next 30 minutes”.

LM: “Cold? COLD?! I have frost in my exhaust pipe! Have you ever had frost in your exhaust pipe?!”

Me: “Can’t say that I have to be honest…”

LM: “Exactly! My insides are frozen and my exhaust pipe is colder than a shaven polar bears jacksy in mid-December!”

Me: “Quit being so fricking soft!”

LM: “Soft? SOFT?! You can pissing walk to Manchester you little scrote what with your big Winter coat and fluffy boots!”

Me: “Oh I didn’t mean it like that, you know I love you really”.

LM: “Nope….heart is as frozen as my exhaust pipe so go fudge yourself! Soft indeed!”

In reality I had buried my head into the steering wheel muttering about how I should have just taken the bus, then called my dad to get him to nip to the nearest car shop (in the middle of Padiham) to get a new A140 battery. Dad duly did his fathery duty and arrived all mission impossible style with a “this battery needs inserting into the car STAT!” mindset. Much swearing later and we’d managed to remove the old (flat) battery from under the driver’s seat and replaced it with the new one….fingers crossed, key in ignition and ….nothing, nada, zip!

LM: “If you think I’m driving you anywhere after you’ve just performed open heart surgery on me in the middle of the street you can guess again!”

Me: “Come on Loki-motion, be reasonable!”

Turned key again….nothing, nada, zip!

LM: “No….and you can’t make me!”

Me: “You carry on being a sour frozen exhaust piped little turd and I swear to all the gods of creation that I will Autotrader your ass!”

LM: “…..what time did you say the interview was?”

Key turned, click, ROAR!

LM: “What are we waiting for?! If you get this job you can afford to get me a new paint job…and maybe some new seat covers….ooooo I’d look wicked in a deep claret don’t you think? Very suave!”

Me: “Uh-huh”.

We battled through traffic jams, dense fog, inane ramblings of the Sat-Nav (“turn right here, that’s right, flip the car into the line of oncoming traffic because it makes shit exciting that does”…thanks for the input Sat-Nav you streak of skiddy crap!) and the moronic skills of more than one driver to make the interview with minutes to spare!

The interview itself was a rather peculiar affair in which I sat quite nervously across from two people from the HR team hoping beyond hope that my brain didn’t say something incredibly stupid! There was plenty of self-doubt and I’m pretty sure it showed despite my best efforts.

That said the boss walked me back to my car while we discussed our respective football teams (Blackpool and Burnley)….when he caught sight of the little vehicle he smiled and said “nice little runners these motors provided you treat them right”.

I could imagine the smug look on the Loki-motion’s face as we headed home.

Loki-Lou

PS -Thus ends the November NaBloPoMo challenge! How crazy huh? Please join me (and the Loki-motion) for December’s challenge….because I can guarantee it will be as batshit as the others! :)

Today’s song of the day is:

Rihanna – Shut up and drive (dedicated to my beautiful little car who I do love dearly….I wouldn’t really Autotrader his ass!).

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Job Interview Escapades Part 1 (The Skyfall quotes!)

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**The first part of this was written last night because I needed to set out rules in my head before attempting the James Bond/Skyfall related interview dare**

Ok folks…Since my last James Bond related interview mishap (and after setting up the subsequent vote for a quote for the next interview) I have managed to get four interviews (as I mentioned yesterday). Now, the interview that was initially going to be the one I used the winning quote in has been brought forward to tomorrow….tomorrow afternoon in fact! So I’m sticking with that one!

As such, I’ve decided to set out some rules:

1. The quotes can be used in response to ANY question asked in the course of the interview.

2. It MUST be in the interview room (anywhere outside of the room will void the quote).

3. The quote must ONLY be said to an interviewer (anyone else i.e. receptionists, voids the quote!).

4. The quote MUST be word-for-word perfect!

5. As there is more than one quote…they must BOTH be used in the same interview!

As a reminder – the winning quotes (as it was a tie with three votes each) are:

“What did you expect, an exploding pen?” (a Q quote…)
“She never tied me to a chair” (…and a Bond quote!)

(Yes gents….your quotes are equally awesome! Shocking huh?)

Let the mayhem commence!

*****

The building soared up towards the pale blue sky, for once (by Lancashire‘s standards) it was clear…not a cloud, white or grey, to tarnish it.The Loki-motion was parked in the gravel ridden car park, I affectionately patted his bonnet as I headed towards the company reception to let him know that should I need a quick escape that every car around him was going to be pelted by little stones….so he wasn’t to make too many friends while I was gone.

I signed into reception, proudly gave my little car’s registration number so he wasn’t towed away, and then found myself seated in a small waiting area, complete with flat screen TV set to the BBC news channel and a glass table piled high with company booklets.

My interviewer collected me 40 minutes late…by that time I’d paced the waiting area mutliple times (causing a small hole in the flooring), adjusted my pin stripe suit multiple times (as I was suddenly aware that the top I was wearing was stretched rather tightly over my chest), and had even danced to the crappy elevator style music…multiple times!

We introduced ourselves, her PA took my huge winter coat and bag (as their policy said something about leaving “unknown” mobile devices such as a mobile phone or Sat-Nav in a certain room), and was escorted to the interviewer’s office.

She chatted through the job role, I explained my CV, she sipped her water, I downed mine (then needed a piss). Then we were onto the questions….this is the part you’re all dying to hear about right! Too sodding RIGHT!

Interviewer: “This is a high pressure job, there are alot of things you will need to juggle and prioritise…as a manager I would like to think you could come to me if you needed help with any of it, is that something you would do?”.

Me: “If there was ever a situation in which I felt uncomfortable completing a task, be it due to time constraints or lack of resources, I would definitely have no problem with asking for help or at least trying to plan out how the aspects would be better approached”.

Interviewer: “Your last job was very hectic with the looks of your CV, and according to the recruiter there was only yourself and your manager – is that correct?”

Me: “In the Human Resources department there was myself at a junior level, my manager who was based with me at head office and an adviser who we rarely saw but was always available to us should we need advice”.

Interviewer: “I have to ask, with the quite substantial workload you had – how did your manager manage to motivate you to complete your tasks?”

Me: “Well…She never tied me to a chair if that’s what you’re concerned about” (Bond quote SUCCESS! The interviewer let out such a laugh at that statement it gave me time to elaborate) “she was just very supportive, very open and honest, she would set time aside for me to discuss the schedule with her or to just generally have a chat when things seemed a bit overwhelming”.

Interviewer: “Excellent….so you were comfortable discussing when you feel you’d hit your boundaries?”

Me: “I’m only human and the workload I had was for at least three people! The odds of me making a mistake due to pure human error warranted me to be honest with her about my limitations….but I assure you, I have no problem with prioritising work or getting things done, and – “

The interviewer was scribbling notes, or trying to at least, her pen was running out and she was creating little swirls on my CV. I could feel myself wanting to giggle, I definitely had a smirk on my face…Loki himself must have been observing my antics today.

Me: “- do you need a pen?” I handed her an elegant blue metal pen I keep in my bag (transferred earlier to my suit jacket’s inner pocket!) for interview situations (I’m a biter, so I don’t carry biro’s in these circumstances).

Interviewer: “Thank you….oh how lovely! I love that blue! I should get one of these they look so professional”.

Me: “Yeah, they’re not too bad really!”

Interviewer: “It writes so well….” (she was happily scribbling away again) “It’s very different – It’s not like normal pens at all is it?”

Me: “What did you expect, an exploding pen? I’m afraid the place I got it from only had that type” (Q quote SUCCESS!).

Interviewer: “Exploding pens? Gosh ink would go everywhere wouldn’t it?”

Me: “It would indeed”.

It was so difficult to keep a straight face throughout the rest of the questions but hey ho -

Mission Accomplished!

Who thinks tomorrow’s interviews should involve Avengers Assemble quotes?

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is:

Hoobastank – The Reason (Clever video for a lovely song from a wonderful band!)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Also – Blame Alison (of The Life and Writings of Sleepy Joe) and Kate (of Nested) for this….but, drum roll please, The Modfather is signed up to….

NaBloPoMo December 2012…No I’m not shitting you….yes I must need my head examined….Feel free to grab a cuppa and join me on yet another crazy ass month of blogging!

Awkward

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“Why don’t you have a bloke already?”

“You need to settle down you know – you can’t go on gallivanting around forever….you need to start thinking of having babies and making your mother a grandmother!”

“Have you even gotten a job yet? You are looking aren’t you? Because seriously you need to be working”.

It begins…and it’s not even December yet. My grandmother started with her mini interrogation while at a bus stop, in the freezing cold…she could have waited until we were in a warmer environment. I’m not sure she liked my answers, but they’re the only answers I have right now….and I’m sticking with them:

“I don’t have a bloke yet because I’d rather jump headfirst off a cliff onto solid rocks than ever have my heart ripped out of my ass ever again”.

“I don’t go gallivanting…really. And as for children, what would be the point in me having a child if I’m not ready, in an environment that means I couldn’t provide for it? Also – I have a brother, ask him to spawn and leave my ovaries out of this”.

“And no, I don’t have a job yet….that’s the funny thing about being trained as a neuroscientist and looking for work in a town that wouldn’t be attacked by zombies due to lack of brains….shit just happens”.

Maybe I should have pointed out that my uncle still lives at home with her, he has NEVER had a job, she pays for his lifestyle….and he is only a couple of years younger than my mum! He needs a swift kick up his ringer.

Maybe I should have pointed out that I’m trying my damnedest to get things back to some semblance of normality but it is incredibly difficult to do so when you still appear to be pining for a life that you lost….a life you will never have again.

Maybe I should have pointed out that relationships frighten me…the mere idea that I may one day trust my heart to someone else again just knots my stomach…it makes me feel sick.

Maybe I should point out that while I appreciate she’s concerned about me (and my ovaries), being blunt about this will only serve to make me defensive and result in petulant answers.

*Sigh* bring on the Christmas season….let’s get it over with.

Loki-Lou

PS -The voting for the next Bond inspired Job Interview mishap is still open until next Thursday! Get your votes in!

Today’s song of the day is:

Kelly Clarkson – Because of you (Because it’s all still about you).
NaBloPoMo November 2012