Tag Archives: Job Centre

A bittersweet goodbye to the Job Centre!

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So yesterday I had my sign-off meeting with my employment advisor at the Job Centre (as I mentioned in my last post….in case you missed it…I AM BACK IN WORK, on a temporary contract but still, it’s a start).

I sat in the waiting area with two lovely gentlemen…one who hadn’t worked in 16 years and smelled as though he hadn’t washed in that time either, and one who says he had just arrived from the pub (he smelled like a brewery and was swigging from a cheap can of cider). Both were wearing very dishevelled looking tracksuits, caps (back to front for some reason…is that cool nowadays?) and blank expressions (one of them was missing a shoe and half a sock), neither wanted to work, neither wanted to look for work…and to be honest, I think employers would have looked at the two of them and classified them both as “disaster areas”.

They clearly needed more help than was being provided by the Job Centre (the help they needed probably fell out of the remits of what was provided by the centre).

“So, how has it been going?” They were both asked by their respective advisors.

“Found nothing” (pronounce as “fund nuffin’”) they both responded.

“How’s it going?” my advisor asked me.

“I’ve just accepted a temporary role in HR on a 3-mth contract” I uttered.

Silence.

It felt like the whole room went silent!

Could it even be that the sozzled gent I’d been sat next to managed to spit his beer on the floor?!

“You’ve found work?!” my advisor stuttered.

“I have…temporarily. I’m hoping to make it a permanent role” I said.

“So we may see you back in 3-mth” he said (with a tiny smile).

“Maybe….but I hope not” I smirked and signed-off the “found employment” form.

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Dolly Parton – Working 9 to 5 (just because!).

Recruiter stupidity

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So I’ve spent time everyday (since I’ve been back from York) job hunting and adjusting my CVs/covering letters to fit the numerous person/job specifications. Once again I am determined to find a job….and once again I am finding it incredibly difficult not to become disheartened by the whole sorry process.

The rejections are in the same sterile format….even down to the “dear candidate” part, I am fully aware that it must be hellish going through all those applications, but it couldn’t hurt to actually find out the name of the person you are turning down for a job and use that instead of sending a pure blanket email.

Feedback is non-existant….aside from “unsuitable”. That helps doesn’t it? Knowing you are “unsuitable” for a job, but not knowing in which way you are “unsuitable”.

But what takes the biscuit is the conversation I had today with a recruiter who said (word for word) “So you’ve been unemployed since July? And you’ve done what since? Because employers won’t be interested in someone who has been unemployed for so long”.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?!

My ears must have deceived me surely? How many people who are out of work at the moment have been searching for a minimum of six months? How many of us are desperate for employment and just get fobbed off with comments such as that?

So what have I done since I lost my job in July? Well……I moved my whole life back up to Lancashire from London, I’ve applied for over 200 jobs, signed up with various (incredibly useless) recruitment agencies, attended interviews, dealt with an emotional shit storm and the fall out from that, argued with the Job Centre for my basic right to benefits, put up with inane waffling from crappy “get back to work” courses that the government think I need (which are in actuality just common sense)…..I’d say it’s not through lack of trying that I’m still unemployed!

That said – if employers really aren’t interested in people who have been out of work for a while then so many of the unemployed are screwed are we not? We should just give up shouldn’t we?

Then the government can call us spongers and threaten us with benefit cuts? And our peers can look down their noses at us?

Brilliant….just brilliant.

It’s a good job I took what she said with a pinch of salt.

Loki-Lou

PS  – today’s song of the day is:

Kelis – I hate you so much right now (Mostly because I kept wanting to sing the chorus to the recruiter earlier…can you blame me?).

 

Low Risk foolishness

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So on Friday I was back at the Job Centre (yay I hear you cry…..rather sarcastically I hope!)…that morning I had been to see (yet another) recruiter about a job (read: a job prospect that would go no where so the meeting was merely an opportunity for them to get my name on their books), who was over twenty-five minutes late….said meeting ended with me waiting twenty minutes in the pissing down rain waiting for a bus (as the Loki-motion is seeing the car doctor)…said bus arrived when my nipples had already decided they wanted to become part of my chest cavity and my toes had long since disappeared to the pub (or at least I thought they had, it was impossible to tell as all I knew was that I couldn’t feel them anymore!).

Needless to say I was not a happy bunny! I’m tired of being messed around by recruiters and companies, and tired of being fobbed off by the Job Centre. On Friday I had a particular whinge to vent….and with Mother Nature giving my ovaries their monthly kicking I was rather in the mood for an arguement.

Advisor: “So you’ve had interviews recently?”

Me: “Yep, I’ve had over five interviews in the past two weeks or so”.

Advisor: “Well that’s good isn’t it?”

Me: “You tell me – most of the positions were given to internal candidates, or the company never called me with the outcome, or the receptionist was a complete bitch on the phone over the fact that they couldn’t even give me directions….that same company by the way had interviewed the previous day and didn’t bother to contact me to tell me this shit until I showed up in Manchester ready to attend!”

Advisor: O_o

Me: “ALSO – if I’m doing so great I wouldn’t once again be sat across from you signing a piece of paper to request benefits from the government…..don’t you agree?”

Advisor: “Well….you’re definitely trying to find work”.

Me: “Oh, while I’m on about attending interviews…you do realise that when I have five interviews in Manchester in the same week on different days that the cost of travel from where I live is approximately £60….”

Advisor: “Right….?”

Me: “I’m currently getting £71 a week from you…so that’d leave me with £11 a week to go towards rent and food would it not?”

Advisor: “Well…I….erm…”

Me: “Because my family do expect rent from me….but under your rules because I live at home I’m only entitled to job seekers allowance, nothing more. So, if I end up with a busy week like that I can’t attend all the interviews and pay my rent”.

Advisor: “But you live at home…And you have to attend the interviews otherwise you’re in breach of contract”.

Me: “Yes, yes I do. But my parents can’t be expected to be financially supporting me when I’m 27 years old, they do expect some help with the bills from me. So, I was wondering if you had any way for people to claim back travel expenses?”

Advisor: “Only if you’re a high risk claimant”.

Me: O_o “Whut?”

Advisor: “We’re allowed to give high risk claimants travel expenses…”

Me: *eyes start twitching* “don’t tell me…because I’m a low risk claimant I’m not entitled to it?”

Advisor: “That’s right yes”.

Me: “Ok….let me get this straight….because I’m actually attending interviews and applying for work I’m not entitled to travel expenses?”

Advisor: “Yes, because you’re low risk”.

Me: “And I’m expected to live on £11 a week or less if I have a week of interviews in Manchester or places of a similar distance?”

Advisor: “Well….yes”.

Me: “You know how backwards that sounds right? …so, you either help me with my travel expenses to attend interviews – or I stop applying for work and find my way onto your list of high risk claimants just so you can do your damned job correctly!”

Advisor: “You wouldn’t….you want to work! You’re one of the most determined job seekers here”.

Me: “As flattering as that is….being a low risk claimant means I get minimal help, and being a job seeker is depressing enough without being overlooked in favour of people who don’t want to work”.

Advisor: “But….it’s policy”

Me: “Uh-huh…..the choice is yours and believe me when I say I’m disillusioned enough with this country not to bother with your shitty processes to get the help I deserve!”

Turns out if I give them enough notice of my next Manchester interview that I can claim travel expenses…so fellow job seekers, dig in your heels! If you are actively looking for work, if you are attending interviews, if the expenses are costing you a fortune (to the extent you have barely anything left for food/bills/etc) then argue the toss with the Job Centre!

Just because you are a low risk claimant does not mean you shouldn’t be entitled to the same help as the high risk ones….after all, isn’t the point of the job seeker system to aid actual job seekers in their quest for employment? Rather than to mollycoddle those who clearly don’t want into the working world!

Loki-Lou

PS – Your eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 16th comes to you from my fellow Lancastrian Alison’s other half:

kate winslet

(I don’t think this is the picture of Kate Winslet that you wanted Paul but hey….pretty sure the one you wanted would make this post NSFW! So you can have this one instead!)

Todays song of the day is:

The Darkness – I believe in a thing called love (try not to giggle at the video…I fail everytime!)

NaBloPoMo December 2012

Job Centre speed dating

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**This is based on my Job Centre meeting yesterday aftenoon**

“I’m your adviser for today as yours is on holiday, ok?”

I nodded and tried to avoid staring at the very nasty looking pus oozing spot on her chin.

“So, l’m going to read out the names of some recruiters and I want you to tell me if you’ve applied for work with them before, ok?”

I nodded again….that spot appearing to pulsate as she talked. Perhaps she was growing an extra head and this was it’s attempt at first words!

“Reed?”

“Yep…I also have an account with them”.

“Monster?”

“Not recently because they’re shit…but I have an account with them”.

That spot was jiggling frantically and I pushed my chair back a bit just in case it exploded.

“What about Jobsite?”

“Jobsite, Totaljobs, Jobs.ac.uk, your own website….there are others too whose names are currently evading me” (because of that spot glaring at me!).

“And you’ve attended interviews?”

At that I smirked, remembering the James Bond related mishap and quotes ones…then opted to explain about Thursday’s one that (rather rudely) cancelled last minute. The adviser seemed content with my attempts as a job seeker, looks like I’ll not be classed as high risk this time around either, and I was allowed to leave without the extra ten minutes of her searching for jobs for me.

As I entered the crisp Wintery air I realised how much easier it would be if Recruitment drives (or job hunting in general) were run in a similar way to speed dating…you show up dressed smartly, sign in on the register, get one of those name tags, listen to some silly common sense rules, then it begins! You switch from table to table and try to sell yourself to the interviewer with the time given as they jot down feedback and ask you questions. Hell, you could even leave your CV….or maybe that’d be given to the person hosting the event at the end when you have to pick which role you’d love to take on.

At least with the whole recruiting speed dating concept you wouldn’t have to worry about going from one interview to another when the businesses were at least an hours travel time apart, you could just switch tables at the buzzer.

Also, how cool would it be to psych out the competition with this face:

(“That’s my recruiter BITCH!” ….for those who haven’t heard of this Meme, it’s Obsessed Girlfriend….pretty damned scary if you ask me!)

All this said…I’ve never been speed dating or gone on a blind date….maybe that should be a 2013 resolution!

Loki-Lou

PS – As I can’t get all of you awesome readers gifts for Christmas, I thought an actor/musician based Advent Calendar would suffice! (So – if you would like to request your favourite celebrity for this little project then feel free to comment/email and I’ll find a picture to share!).

So……your eye candy for December 1st is:

(Daniel Craig….but with fluffy hair!)

How many of you are surprised that I picked this gent to start the month? ;)

Today’s song of the day is:

Ella Edmondson – Hold your horses (again, not sure how I came across this song, but it’s bloomin’ wonderful!).
NaBloPoMo December 2012

Ups and downs of a Jobseeker’s day

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**As with yesterday’s post I will not be naming the company in the second part of this post as I don’t think it’s particularly fair to out them – so they’ll be referred to as “company”**

I had a meeting with my advisor today at the Job Centre…as you can imagine, I was thrilled! After the conversation in which I was dubbed a “low risk” claimant I was so excited that I put on my Pot Noodle stained t-shirt, ripped skinny jeans and mucky Converse on, completing the look with a baggy hoody to hide my pale face.

I wanted to look like shit….like I’d given up.

I wanted to look like Death warmed up.

Because I felt a bit like that…and because I really couldn’t be bothered ironing anything all for a 20 minute appointment.

The concerned look on my advisor’s face told me I’d garnered the right response, perhaps if I have foregone a shower, deodorant and perfume I would even have gotten a sympathy cup of tea! Who knows…maybe even a custard cream or two…maybe next time?

“How are you?” my advisor enquired.

“Still unemployed” I uttered sadly as I passed across my paperwork, he started to shuffle through the job applications but eyed me curiously rather than read the words. Eventually he put the sheets onto the desk without even having considered them.

“You’re doing everything right you know” he said finally, his voice warm, when I didn’t respond he continued “I know you’re feeling disheartened, I know this is difficult. With your qualifications and your experience you really shouldn’t be out of work…I’m surprised you haven’t been employed by now if I’m honest, it is quite pathetic that you’re not getting any interviews”.

“I guess” I murmured.

“Loki, you’re here because of a situation you had no control over…compared to most here you’re actually wanting to turn your life around, and you’re giving it a damned good go…you know I’m limited as to how much help I can give you – and to be honest there isn’t a lot more help I can give you because you’re doing everything right”.

“Everything right and I’m still getting no where” I smiled meekly, really I wanted to cry.

“I think I’m going to send you to a careers advisor at the college, they can go through your CV, get you onto a few courses that we’ll pay for, they’ll help tailor your approach to the job applications…..they might also give you some much needed confidence” I stared at him completely bemused as he started to call through to the college to set up an appointment, he wrote the time down and passed the card across to me “they’ll see you early next week”.

“Thank you” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“I’m off when your next appointment is booked in for but I’m available next week if you need me and I’ll call the Monday I get back from holiday to check in on you ok?”

I am still wearing my derp face after this meeting…my advisor seemed a completely different person today. He gave me a much needed boost of confidence and some necessary support.  Words fail me as to how positive this meeting seemed.

Just as I arrived home with my brain going into overdrive my phone began to ring…

“Hello?” I started.

“My name is Sarah and I am the HR Administrator for company…I’m ringing because you were booked in for an interview this afternoon and I was wondering why you didn’t attend?”

Me: “Wait? You’re calling from company?”

Sarah: “Yes…so why didn’t you let us know you weren’t attending?”

Me: “You sent me a letter saying I wasn’t successful”

Sarah: “No we didn’t”

Me: *finds letter* “yes you did, it reads as ‘dear candidate, we are writing to inform you that on this occasion you have been unsuccessful’ …and that’s all it says”.

Sarah: “Really? Who has signed the letter?”

Me: *gives the name* “why?”

Sarah: “You were supposed to be called in for an interview, in fact we have you booked in and confirmed!” checks my name and address before adding “oh no…this is our new administrative assistant. She’s managed to mix it all up, you were supposed to be in for an interview and the one we rejected came in and was turned away”.

Me: “Did they have the same name as me or something?”

Sarah: “No…it was a HE for a start….that stupid cow! She only had to do this one thing and she couldn’t even get that right!”

Me: “I’m sure she didn’t mean to mess up, there may be an innocent reason for it”.

Sarah: “I am so sorry for this mix up, though it’s not me who should be apologising it should be her the daft bitch”.

Me: “Is it not possible to just re-arrange the interview because of the mix up?”

Sarah: “No no it’s not possible, we’ll have to assess the candidates that did attend and if we don’t like them we’ll have to re-advertise. So you’ll have to re-apply if we do”.

Me: “Erm…to be honest I don’t want to fill in that application form again (as it was 15 pages of in depth questions) and I’m not sure I want to work for a company that insults their staff to potential interview candidates regardless of what they have done…it’s not very professional wouldn’t you agree?”

Sarah: “well, I erm…”

Me: “Have a good day Sarah”.

As I hung up I felt terrible for the administrative assistant that was going to end up with a telling off based on that conversation, I’m pretty sure it was just an innocent mistake on their part. I know it cost me a job interview BUT I think in this case it’s a blessing, based on the attitude of the HR administrator.

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is:

The Cranberries – Promises (awesome song, awesome video, awesome band…need I say more?)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Money, money, money!

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**I’m not going to out the charity in this story…so they will merely be called “charity” – very imaginative huh?**

I’m not sure what he was doing standing outside of the Job Centre, but here he was, his clip board in hand, the name of a charity stitched into the hoody he was wearing, a sullen look plastered across his face (the phrase “face like a smacked bottom” was rather apt here). He was absent-mindedly tapping his pen on the papers in his arms and surveying the (mostly) unwashed hoarde in his mists, making a huge fuss of lifting his nose in the air as people pattered past him (their eyes tracing the ground).

Occasionally I watched him smirk (more than once at very dishevelled man who clearly hadn’t known a hot bath let alone a warm bed for a very long time).

Occasionally I saw him wrinkle his nose and flare his nostrils as a couple of the mass approached him asking him for 20p.

One thing didn’t change though, and that was the way in which he looked at them…He eyed them all with the same expression  – contempt.

Pooling in my stomach was an unusual sensation, an unusual feeling, a peculiar mix of anger, pity and amusement. I yanked my (rather smart) coat closer, raised my head high and strode from the building. As predicted the man blocked my path, a fake smile traced his lips…

“Hello luv, I’m raising money for this charity…I’m a fundraiser” he said, almost proudly, and loud enough for everyone around to hear him.

Me: “I see…”

Fundraiser: “And I was wondering if you could spare some money today?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, I can’t spare any money today”.

Fundraiser: “Well, what about setting up a direct debit?”

Me: “I can’t I’m sorry”.

Fundraiser: “But it’s very important you do this, you have to do this” – he rambled on about what the charity represents and why money is needed before adding – “it’s selfish for you not to donate, you’d be responsible for people dying you know”.

Me: *now a bit annoyed* “Can I just ask why, out of everyone here, you’re asking me for money?”

Fundraiser: “Well, look around. It’s obvious isn’t it?”

Me: *feigning ignorance* “Not really, explain it to me”.

Fundraiser: “Because you’re clearly not a sponger like the rest of them…you know how to have a wash, you’re not high, you’re not drunk, you don’t stink….”

Me: “But why do you suppose I was in the Job Centre?”

Fundraiser: *laughing* “Because you’re probably bored with your current job and looking at options”.

Me: “I’m a Job Seeker….I’m one of these spongers you’re looking down your nose at…”

Fundraiser: O_o

Me: “Tell me, did you offer any of the people here money when they asked you for it? Did you consider buying any of them a coffee or a bottle of water or a sandwich?”

Fundraiser: “Pfffft no…why would I?”

Me: “Because they have no money….alot of them don’t have food, or homes…and when Winter comes how do you think they’ll survive?”

Fundraiser: “You’re asking me to give them money?”

Me: “You asked me for money”

Fundraiser: “For a charity…for those less fortunate”.

Me: “What do you consider everyone here to be? How many of us are ‘spongers’, as you call us, through choice? I know I’m not”.

Fundraiser: “That is not the same thing”.

Me: “Isn’t it? You’re fundraising because it gives you a wage…”

Fundraiser: “I’m fundraising because there are people less fortunate than me, and I care about supporting them”.

Me: “If that was the real reason, if you really cared for those less fortunate, you wouldn’t have laughed at anyone here, you wouldn’t have smirked or turned your nose up or acted as though we are the scum of the earth. And you certainly wouldn’t have tried to guilt people who have no money into setting up a direct debit when that person can’t even afford the bus fare to get to the Job Centre”.

Fundraiser: “It’s only a direct debit”.

Me: “Only! We’d be forced into more debt, we’d be thrown into further trouble”.

Fundraiser: “Well….erm…well”.

Me: “You are no better than anyone else here, you have no right to make any of us feel bad or any worse than we already do. You are asking the unfortunate to aid the unfortunate and getting a kick out of the guilt we feel over being unable to help…I suggest you get off your high horse and treat people with the respect they deserve…maybe then people who can help you, will help you”.

A clapping sound resounded in the small courtyard, the homeless, down-trodden and unemployed were applauding as one…as I took my leave, with a smile on my face.

Loki-Lou

PS – Not all fundraisers are pushy and obnoxious, some do believe in what they’re doing…some are genuinely interested in making a difference in the world. The small minority that are like the one I encountered boil my blood, picking on those less fortunate is just plain pathetic!

Today’s song of the day:

Abba – Money, money, money (“Money, money, money…it’s so funny….look a five pound note!” ….oh wait….those are my mate’s lyrics, ah well).

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Job Centre Triage

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**This situation happened during my last meeting at the Job Centre**

I sat across from my advisor, my job application tracker (done in an Excel spreadsheet as the little green books I keep getting given fill up too quickly) and a list of short courses that I was curious about attending were sitting on the table between us. My advisor looked a little bit flustered by the amount of paperwork I had provided, he always seemed flustered by it, his face beamed red as he eyed it, wondering where exactly to start.

I shuffled on the seat, my legs shaking nervously…for some reason the Job Centre makes me incredibly nervous, it reminds me of attending exams at school. As though you’re just waiting to be caught out by the examiner because you haven’t revised for the test and had spent the whole time playing Zelda.

Eventually he motioned to pick up the application list, he fanned his face with it first, muttered something incomprehensible and then started flittering back and forth between the pages. As I watched his movements with all the interest as you would give to the dissection of a new animal species I was reminded of something my friend had told about when he had been a job seeker.

“Did you used to send people to an interview on the day they came to see you? If they were suitable for jobs you found on your system?” I queried knowing that it was through one of these automatic interviews that my friend had acquired his job.

“We did…well, we do” my advisor murmured while reading through my spreadsheet list of applications (now in excess of 160 jobs!).

“You do?” I couldn’t hide the surprise (and confusion I dare say) in my voice.

“Yes, we do” he still didn’t look up from the spreadsheet…if anything he was glaring at the words more intently than before.

“Why haven’t you sent me for anything?” at this he did look at me…questioningly at first which appeared to dissolve into a pitying stare.

“Because you’re fine as is” he said, shrugging, as though this explained everything.

“Fine as is?” I pulled my ‘are you shitting me?’ face before adding “I’m still unemployed so surely I’m not fine as is? I’m still sitting around waiting to be hired while trying to survive on the meagre amount of benefit you allow me”.

“Trust me – you are fine as is, you don’t need sending for interviews” his tone sharp, snappy.

I quietly contemplated this for a moment as he returned to my paperwork, scrutinizing each item on the list as though he was breaking a top secret highly important code and I was acting as an inconvenience to his task.

“How do you decide if I’m ‘fine as is’ and that I don’t need you to set up interviews with companies?” I uttered at last, eagerly wanting to know the criteria behind these decisions.

“You apply for work….so you are not high risk….you are a low risk claimant…as such we don’t need to send you for interviews” he explained slowly, as though speaking to a child.

“And these interviews….are they for very basic jobs?” my interest piqued.

“Not always…it depends on the jobs available, sometimes we even send people for trainee manager positions, we have a list of jobs that we can allocate people to” he waved a hand at his computer monitor as though this would instantly bring up this fabled system of allocated vacancies.

“Are these jobs on your normal system? Can anyone apply for them?”

“No, we have to send you to them…that’s what I mean by ‘allocated’”.

My brain started ticking over faster and faster as it processed his words…and then froze with a stark realisation.

“So…you’re saying that I could be being overlooked for jobs, overlooked for automatic interviews, because I’m applying for work which makes me a low risk claimant?”

“Exactly! You don’t need the extra help” he laughed dismissively.

“So because I’m doing everything right…you’re penalising me?” I kept my voice neutral, not wishing to cause a scene as I could sense the anger bubbling under the surface.

“No, not at all. We just don’t think you need sending for these interviews…there are people out there who don’t apply for work and who need to be in work…these people are high risk so we send them for interviews…they need this extra help”

I baulked at his explanation…then let go of the words I was trying to restrain.

“You’re giving interviews to people who don’t want to even apply for work and not asking those who are actually looking? Do you know how backwards that sounds? Surely it makes more sense to send those who want to work to interviews? Especially those who have been out of work for months on end, while applying for hundreds of jobs, who are qualified and experienced enough to do a wide variety of jobs and those who are going stir crazy sitting at home while going through the motions of application forms day after day….you’re saying I don’t warrant the same courtesy given to those who don’t give a damn?”.

My advisor merely shrugged and shuffled the papers before stating very clearly “you are not high risk enough”.

I wish I was bullshitting you all, I really do….alas I’m not.

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day:

Linkin Park – Lost in the Echo (Who doesn’t love a bit of Chester Bennington’s voice?)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Stephen Hawking….Burnley edition!

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Today I had an appointment with a recruitment consultant at the Job Centre (that place is becoming my second home at the moment!); I’d filled in all the paperwork, I’d brought the ID they required, I’d even made a bit of an effort by bobbing on some make-up (for some reason if you look quite smart while at that building everyone asks you for money!).

(“Oi luv, can you spare 20p?”…for some reason it’s always 20p…what the crap can you get for 20p? What a strange amount to ask for…I’d want £1 at least!)

Anyway, I was killing a bit of time prior to the appointment by using their touch screen job finder (that for some reason always gives an obscure place in Scotland when you search “local area”). Across from me was a family that hummed as though they hadn’t bathed since both parents had been swimming in amniotic fluid, that quite sickly scent of ageing BO that makes your stomach go “what the holy bollocks is that? Must expel contents in response!” and makes your nose wrinkle as your nostrils try to shrivel up until completely closed.

I felt sorry for them. I really did. Until…

“Right you little shit you’re getting no dummy or bottle because you won’t shut your frigging mouth!”

This was the mother, speaking to her child…a child that had only uttered a small gurgled giggle once, in response to seeing a dog running about outside. I realise parents get flustered, I appreciate that they get angry…but that sort of language and aggressive behaviour towards an infant doesn’t sit well with me. She saw my scowl and turned her attention to her own job hunting.

The Mother (TM): “I don’t want to be a cleaner”

The Father (TF): “Well don’t be a cleaner…be something you want to be”

TM: “But I don’t want to do anything, I want to go home”

TF: “We can’t go home, we have to meet the advisor…I’ve found a couple of things I need to ring up for too….just pick a few things”

TM: “But I don’t want to do none of it!”

TF: “Make an effort luv, pick something just to show the advisor”

TM: “Fine….I’m going to be a scientist”

TF: “A scientist?!”

TM: “Yeah….I’m going to be a phy-tal-ist”

Me and TF: O_o

TM: “That’s a scientist innit?”

TF: “You mean physicist?”

TM: “Yeah….I’ll be one of them…….what is it they do?”

(They both then looked at the job board, looked at each other, then looked at me)

TM: “Oi luv, what’s a physicist?”

Me: “Someone who works in physics…mostly research”

TM: “People actually do that?”

TF: “Oh, like that Hawk dude?”

Me: “Stephen Hawking”

TF: “Yeah….that’s the guy…the guy that was in that band, been on TV recently!”

Me: “Erm….I  think you mean Brian Cox”

TF: “He’s that actor isn’t he?”

TM: “I don’t think I’ll do that science- thing….sounds proper boring and stupid”

Me: O_o

Regular readers will be aware that I have a science degree so my stance on research is totally different to the view of this family…if anything I want the government to pull their fingers out and invest more money! But I don’t think it was my place to sit them down and explain to them the benefits of science…especially as I was pretty sure the whistling sound in the room was a breeze blowing through their noggins!

For those concerned about the child – I know the advisor at the centre is actually dealing with it. Hopefully the right thing will be done by the kid!

Loki-Lou

PS -Again, in keeping with the “Wonderful Team Member Readership Award” I would like to introduce Akl over at LiveLafeLove, she’s supportive, she’s caring and she writes an amazing blog. Bloggy love required over there folks!

Today’s song of the day is:

Tinchy Stryder ft N-Dubz – Number 1 (I don’t even like N-Dubz but for some reason this song has been playing in my head since I woke up this morning so I thought I’d share the madness)…..perhaps I should have gone with a bit of D:Ream ;)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

BlogHer NaBloPoMo challenge month – “Loki-Lou SMASH! Damned Job Centre”

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Today was signing on day at the Job Centre, it is my 20 minute appointment with an “advisor”…it is the time I need to spend proving I’ve been trying my hardest to find work, I have to produce evidence of my actions, I have to list agencies I’ve been chasing, I have to analyse the interviews I have been to in order to work out if I did anything wrong. I hate those 20 minutes…they make me feel worthless (if you’re a regular reader I’m sure you’ll understand why, if not check out this post, this one, and maybe this one too).

Today’s main question was: “Do you think you’re doing all you can to find work?”

Now….let’s see shall we, since I saw my advisor last (two weeks ago) I’ve;

- applied for over 90 jobs in various fields ranging from basic “administrative assistant” to “mental health researcher” (in a laboratory and academic setting) – with alternative CV’s and covering letters.

- applied for 3 volunteer positions (I have another few lined up) just to get me out of the house.

- applied for 10 graduate schemes (management and research) throughout the UK.

- researched various internships here in the north west.

- listed 6 PhD positions I’m going to apply to this weekend (I’ve already applied for 2 different ones)…the covering letters are a killer!

- Searched various courses they could send me on (but unless they’re linked to my previous education or the work experience I have they won’t be considered…they can’t pay for units in a Human Resources CIPD because it’s too expensive, and the next step for my education is a doctoral programme of some kind – so I’m stuffed there).

- I’ve been into town and handed my CV into quite a few places (I’ve also taken some to Manchester when I’ve visited there in search of work).

- I’ve adapted my CV for different job positions (this means removing my MSc and in cases my BSc…..the Job Centre and rejection letters/emails that state “overqualified” as a reason make feel ashamed for having an education that I nearly killed myself doing).

- signed up with 6 different recruitment agencies online, and chased up the ones I signed up to in town.

- stated I’m willing to relocate for jobs (provided the wage is high enough to cover the living expenses).

- agreed to re-train provided there is a job at the end of it.

- emailed various places/people asking if they have work (even if they’re not advertising).

What do you think readers? Am I doing enough? Is there anything else I could possibly be doing? Maybe I should compile and send these Job Centre posts to editors (magazine/newspaper) or bite the bullet and send the lot to my MP!

I’m at a loss folks!

Loki-Lou

PS- today’s song of the day is:

Daughtry – What about now

BlogHer NaBloPoMo challenge month – “Jobs, jobs, jobs!”

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Today I’ve been job hunting (AGAIN)….admin, lab work, research, general dogsbody, jobs, jobs, jobs! My mind is racing with the many application form questions! Previous jobs? Responsibilities? Why do you want the job? Do you need to give notice at your current job? If not, why not? What skills do you have? Are these skills at a beginner, intermediate or advanced level? What is your qualification level? Transferable skills? Can you fart “God Save the Queen” in the bath? And burp the alphabet backwards?

ARGH!

(Me an hour into the process!)

I changed my profiles on a variety of job hunting sites from jobs.ac.uk to monster (even though I know monster is shit!) and reset the search settings…I altered my resume for a variety of different roles and even prepared covering letters to match.

Oh the motivation to find work was there….But (and I’ve been told it’s the folly of a Gemini) I started to get bored of reading job/person specs that overlapped one another so much that the same person may as well have created them. I have so much work experience that it’s not impossible for me to look at multiple required skills and be able to provide answers from a range of different fields.

Hours upon hours are wasting away by me trying to sell myself to employers in this economy – yes, I genuinely think those hours would be better served by me sleeping! The two interviews I went to the other week have been radio silence ever since, I’m taking this to mean that I was unsuccessful despite the panels promising they would call with the outcome regardless of whether it was good or bad (on Monday I’m ringing them for feedback). Honestly – employers, one little phone call to say I’m not good enough would suffice and stop me sitting by the phone waiting for you to be bothered, I’ve dated committment phobic blokes who are more reliable!

I guess the plus side to all this is that my Job Centre Advisor is going to have his mind blown by the pages of paperwork I’ll be dragging along with me on Friday. He suggested I attend interview technique classes, now I have a major issue with this which is- wouldn’t I need to be at least getting a couple more interviews in order to use said techniques? I’m being a good little job seeker and attending the damn thing anyway because it’s been suggested it’d be good for me.

As you can see I’m finding the whole thing very stressful and such a thing tends to have horrible repercussions with regards to my level of self-worth. I’ve been on job-seekers for 5 weeks and I’m already clawing the walls! I hate to think what I’ll be like if I end up stagnating like this for the next 6 months (which, let’s face it, isn’t an impossible scenario).

Sigh!

(“Whaddya mean I’m not bloody qualified to be ruler of Asgard?!”…..oh wait)

I love that angry Loki look…that said, there’s not a Loki look I’m not fond of!

Now then…..Should I apply for the PhD’s that have caught my eye?

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day is:

Jack Savoretti – Soldier’s Eyes (how wonderful is his voice?!)