Tag Archives: interviews

Thoughtful Thorsday – The Temp Guide to Shortlisting

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**WARNING – this post will highlight an issue with race that my manager has**

So the shortlisting started for the recruitment drive this week, and I have the privilege (pffft) of listening to the managers (very loudly) go through each application. My bosses seriously need volume control buttons because half of the time it is impossible to hear yourself think in the office (I’d love to mute them both)!

I have definitely learned alot about shortlisting just from observing them and thought I’d share their technique and logic behind their decisions….you know, just in case any of you are curious:

1. Disability status can determine whether or not you gain an automatic interview….if you have a disability and check the box on the application form then you get an automatic interview. I get why this is, I get the Employment Law behind it, but my issue with it is:

Manager: “They’ve ticked the box, they’re shortlisted”.

Me: “Do they have the qualification or experience that is needed for the role though?”

Manager: “It doesn’t matter, they’ve ticked the box”.

Me: “But, they need a PIN for this role”.

Manager: “It doesn’t matter….they’ve ticked the box. Simple as that”.

Basically – they’re willing to shortlist a hairdresser with no healthcare experience for a nurse role, because of this. Why shortlist someone for a role that they will be rejected from at interview stage just because they’ve ticked that box….surely they’d also need to meet minimum requirements too?

2. We can take people from different countries provided they have the relevant VISA status (or right to work in the UK) and qualifications….BUT:

Manager: “This ones Russian….she doesn’t have the basics to work over here so I’m rejecting her”.

Me: “Actually she’s Lithuanian….and she does have the minimum requirements plus the right to work over here”.

Manager: “There is no such thing as Lithuanian…they’re Russian”.

Me: “What?!”

Manager: “There is no such thing as Lithuanian, they’re Russian”.

Me: “No….they’re not. Lithuania is an actual country, an independant country”.

Manager: “They’re Russian!”

Me: “They’re not….they’re Lithuanian”.

Manager: “Well it’s all the same!”

Me: O_o

I did explain the history between Lithuania and Russia, I did explain that calling Lithuanian people ‘Russian’ could actually be considered offensive, and that by saying ‘it’s all the same’ did actually constitute racism. I was furious about how ignorant she was being about it, especially when all the paper work for this applicant was approved. The applicant was put forward for interview after I argued that she couldn’t refuse someone an interview just because she couldn’t tell the difference between two countries.

3. We can shortlist previous applicants….there is nothing barring previous applicants from applying for a new role, even if it’s the same position as they’d applied to before.

Manager: “I’m rejecting this one….they were shocking in the previous interview”.

Me: “When were they last interviewed?”

Manager: “Two years ago”.

Me: “Were they newly qualified then?”

Manager: “Yeah, but that’s not the point”.

Me: “Oh I think it is, they’ve had two years clinical experience since! Surely it’s best to give them a chance at an interview now they have a bit more confidence and more skills gained in the workplace?”

Manager: “But they were god awful last time!”

Me: “But that was two years ago! Are you the same person you were two years ago?”

Manager: “Hmpf….I was never that bad in interview”.

I hope you all learned a valuable lesson about Shortlisting today…..DON’T do it like my bosses! Use your common sense and follow the rules!

Happy Thorsday folks!

Thorsday70313

(A giggly Hiddles for you guys and gals today)

Loki-Lou

PS – todays song of the day is:

Passenger – I hate (Starting to absolutely love this band)

Low Risk foolishness

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So on Friday I was back at the Job Centre (yay I hear you cry…..rather sarcastically I hope!)…that morning I had been to see (yet another) recruiter about a job (read: a job prospect that would go no where so the meeting was merely an opportunity for them to get my name on their books), who was over twenty-five minutes late….said meeting ended with me waiting twenty minutes in the pissing down rain waiting for a bus (as the Loki-motion is seeing the car doctor)…said bus arrived when my nipples had already decided they wanted to become part of my chest cavity and my toes had long since disappeared to the pub (or at least I thought they had, it was impossible to tell as all I knew was that I couldn’t feel them anymore!).

Needless to say I was not a happy bunny! I’m tired of being messed around by recruiters and companies, and tired of being fobbed off by the Job Centre. On Friday I had a particular whinge to vent….and with Mother Nature giving my ovaries their monthly kicking I was rather in the mood for an arguement.

Advisor: “So you’ve had interviews recently?”

Me: “Yep, I’ve had over five interviews in the past two weeks or so”.

Advisor: “Well that’s good isn’t it?”

Me: “You tell me – most of the positions were given to internal candidates, or the company never called me with the outcome, or the receptionist was a complete bitch on the phone over the fact that they couldn’t even give me directions….that same company by the way had interviewed the previous day and didn’t bother to contact me to tell me this shit until I showed up in Manchester ready to attend!”

Advisor: O_o

Me: “ALSO – if I’m doing so great I wouldn’t once again be sat across from you signing a piece of paper to request benefits from the government…..don’t you agree?”

Advisor: “Well….you’re definitely trying to find work”.

Me: “Oh, while I’m on about attending interviews…you do realise that when I have five interviews in Manchester in the same week on different days that the cost of travel from where I live is approximately £60….”

Advisor: “Right….?”

Me: “I’m currently getting £71 a week from you…so that’d leave me with £11 a week to go towards rent and food would it not?”

Advisor: “Well…I….erm…”

Me: “Because my family do expect rent from me….but under your rules because I live at home I’m only entitled to job seekers allowance, nothing more. So, if I end up with a busy week like that I can’t attend all the interviews and pay my rent”.

Advisor: “But you live at home…And you have to attend the interviews otherwise you’re in breach of contract”.

Me: “Yes, yes I do. But my parents can’t be expected to be financially supporting me when I’m 27 years old, they do expect some help with the bills from me. So, I was wondering if you had any way for people to claim back travel expenses?”

Advisor: “Only if you’re a high risk claimant”.

Me: O_o “Whut?”

Advisor: “We’re allowed to give high risk claimants travel expenses…”

Me: *eyes start twitching* “don’t tell me…because I’m a low risk claimant I’m not entitled to it?”

Advisor: “That’s right yes”.

Me: “Ok….let me get this straight….because I’m actually attending interviews and applying for work I’m not entitled to travel expenses?”

Advisor: “Yes, because you’re low risk”.

Me: “And I’m expected to live on £11 a week or less if I have a week of interviews in Manchester or places of a similar distance?”

Advisor: “Well….yes”.

Me: “You know how backwards that sounds right? …so, you either help me with my travel expenses to attend interviews – or I stop applying for work and find my way onto your list of high risk claimants just so you can do your damned job correctly!”

Advisor: “You wouldn’t….you want to work! You’re one of the most determined job seekers here”.

Me: “As flattering as that is….being a low risk claimant means I get minimal help, and being a job seeker is depressing enough without being overlooked in favour of people who don’t want to work”.

Advisor: “But….it’s policy”

Me: “Uh-huh…..the choice is yours and believe me when I say I’m disillusioned enough with this country not to bother with your shitty processes to get the help I deserve!”

Turns out if I give them enough notice of my next Manchester interview that I can claim travel expenses…so fellow job seekers, dig in your heels! If you are actively looking for work, if you are attending interviews, if the expenses are costing you a fortune (to the extent you have barely anything left for food/bills/etc) then argue the toss with the Job Centre!

Just because you are a low risk claimant does not mean you shouldn’t be entitled to the same help as the high risk ones….after all, isn’t the point of the job seeker system to aid actual job seekers in their quest for employment? Rather than to mollycoddle those who clearly don’t want into the working world!

Loki-Lou

PS – Your eye candy from the Advent Calendar for December 16th comes to you from my fellow Lancastrian Alison’s other half:

kate winslet

(I don’t think this is the picture of Kate Winslet that you wanted Paul but hey….pretty sure the one you wanted would make this post NSFW! So you can have this one instead!)

Todays song of the day is:

The Darkness – I believe in a thing called love (try not to giggle at the video…I fail everytime!)

NaBloPoMo December 2012

Job Centre Triage

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**This situation happened during my last meeting at the Job Centre**

I sat across from my advisor, my job application tracker (done in an Excel spreadsheet as the little green books I keep getting given fill up too quickly) and a list of short courses that I was curious about attending were sitting on the table between us. My advisor looked a little bit flustered by the amount of paperwork I had provided, he always seemed flustered by it, his face beamed red as he eyed it, wondering where exactly to start.

I shuffled on the seat, my legs shaking nervously…for some reason the Job Centre makes me incredibly nervous, it reminds me of attending exams at school. As though you’re just waiting to be caught out by the examiner because you haven’t revised for the test and had spent the whole time playing Zelda.

Eventually he motioned to pick up the application list, he fanned his face with it first, muttered something incomprehensible and then started flittering back and forth between the pages. As I watched his movements with all the interest as you would give to the dissection of a new animal species I was reminded of something my friend had told about when he had been a job seeker.

“Did you used to send people to an interview on the day they came to see you? If they were suitable for jobs you found on your system?” I queried knowing that it was through one of these automatic interviews that my friend had acquired his job.

“We did…well, we do” my advisor murmured while reading through my spreadsheet list of applications (now in excess of 160 jobs!).

“You do?” I couldn’t hide the surprise (and confusion I dare say) in my voice.

“Yes, we do” he still didn’t look up from the spreadsheet…if anything he was glaring at the words more intently than before.

“Why haven’t you sent me for anything?” at this he did look at me…questioningly at first which appeared to dissolve into a pitying stare.

“Because you’re fine as is” he said, shrugging, as though this explained everything.

“Fine as is?” I pulled my ‘are you shitting me?’ face before adding “I’m still unemployed so surely I’m not fine as is? I’m still sitting around waiting to be hired while trying to survive on the meagre amount of benefit you allow me”.

“Trust me – you are fine as is, you don’t need sending for interviews” his tone sharp, snappy.

I quietly contemplated this for a moment as he returned to my paperwork, scrutinizing each item on the list as though he was breaking a top secret highly important code and I was acting as an inconvenience to his task.

“How do you decide if I’m ‘fine as is’ and that I don’t need you to set up interviews with companies?” I uttered at last, eagerly wanting to know the criteria behind these decisions.

“You apply for work….so you are not high risk….you are a low risk claimant…as such we don’t need to send you for interviews” he explained slowly, as though speaking to a child.

“And these interviews….are they for very basic jobs?” my interest piqued.

“Not always…it depends on the jobs available, sometimes we even send people for trainee manager positions, we have a list of jobs that we can allocate people to” he waved a hand at his computer monitor as though this would instantly bring up this fabled system of allocated vacancies.

“Are these jobs on your normal system? Can anyone apply for them?”

“No, we have to send you to them…that’s what I mean by ‘allocated’”.

My brain started ticking over faster and faster as it processed his words…and then froze with a stark realisation.

“So…you’re saying that I could be being overlooked for jobs, overlooked for automatic interviews, because I’m applying for work which makes me a low risk claimant?”

“Exactly! You don’t need the extra help” he laughed dismissively.

“So because I’m doing everything right…you’re penalising me?” I kept my voice neutral, not wishing to cause a scene as I could sense the anger bubbling under the surface.

“No, not at all. We just don’t think you need sending for these interviews…there are people out there who don’t apply for work and who need to be in work…these people are high risk so we send them for interviews…they need this extra help”

I baulked at his explanation…then let go of the words I was trying to restrain.

“You’re giving interviews to people who don’t want to even apply for work and not asking those who are actually looking? Do you know how backwards that sounds? Surely it makes more sense to send those who want to work to interviews? Especially those who have been out of work for months on end, while applying for hundreds of jobs, who are qualified and experienced enough to do a wide variety of jobs and those who are going stir crazy sitting at home while going through the motions of application forms day after day….you’re saying I don’t warrant the same courtesy given to those who don’t give a damn?”.

My advisor merely shrugged and shuffled the papers before stating very clearly “you are not high risk enough”.

I wish I was bullshitting you all, I really do….alas I’m not.

Loki-Lou

PS – today’s song of the day:

Linkin Park – Lost in the Echo (Who doesn’t love a bit of Chester Bennington’s voice?)

NaBloPoMo November 2012

It’s raining interviews! At last!

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Today I had an interview with a publishing agency in Lancashire (hence the lack of a post yesterday – I was revising!), the job role is an entry level one with a basic salary but with scope to progress, travel throughout the UK and an excellent training programme. I had to be there at 9:00am, considering I haven’t driven in rush hour traffic for over two years and the fact that the weather was pretty miserable meant I had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn (6:30am) to ensure the Loki-motion and I made it to the company on time…with me not in my fluffy slippers (trust me, a suit looks pretty hilarious with these slippers and “laughing stock” wasn’t the professional look I was going for).

I should never be awake before 7am…I really shouldn’t! My reasons for this are:

a) If I have to be anywhere (i.e. interviews/appointments) I may forget to wear pants (and no-one wants to see my girly boxer shorts!), my bra (unsupported boobs are scary!), put my top on back-to-front (yep, done this multiple times), or neglect to straighten my hair (Gene Wilder’s hair is straighter in these situations!).

b) I may fall asleep in my breakfast…which is fine if it’s toast as I can wipe crumbs and butter off my face but milky cornflakes are a health-risk! I’ve run the risk of cornflake-milk related drowning quite a few times!

c) As I said above…I have a tendancy of neglecting to swap my slippers for actual shoes…which makes me look a right cabbage-head (read as: tool or moron for those who aren’t sure what I mean by this) when I’m wearing a pencil skirt, tights and a smart top.

d) I often don’t have time for a cup of tea or coffee because I’m arguing with the toaster…and more than once I’ve stuck a knife in it (yes while it’s been plugged in) before my brain realises that I’m pretty near to a Darwin Award moment all for a bit of bread! So I get rather bitchy because my patience levels are greatly affectly by the levels of caffeine in my system, I shit you not, I’m Jekyll and Hyde where caffeine is concerned.

Today’s preparation went without any major issues…I may have wasted four contact lenses while trying to sort my left eye (which is very flinchy!) and laddered two pairs of tights but this is a minor miracle in my books!

I may have left the house ten minutes later than I had planned to because I was busy farting around trying to find the sat-nav…which then decided it didn’t want to work anyway! The Loki-motion is having a confidence of crisis atm (read as: his wing mirror needs fixing…which I’ll be doing tomorrow), but we headed out anyway hitting the M65 (and briefly the M6) as rain bombarded us and made it incredibly difficult to see. Traffic wise it wasn’t too bad, which was surprising, but what unnerved me was that multiple drivers darted past me in terrible conditions when I was doing the maximum speed limit (for the motorway, not the car….he’s capable of over double that speed, and one day I think I’ll try that out!).

Now a good sign that I’m feeling apprehensive/anxious is that I end up praying, being an atheist I’m not entirely sure why I do this (I blame being brought up as a Christian…I fear it’s a conditioned response), but I always do. I pray for a sign that everything will be ok, that I’m not completely messing up my life. I’ve never seen a sign from above, never, not once…which aids my Atheism I guess…though today the powers that be decided to play a little game with me. The whole hour journey consisted of me (and the Loki-motion) being constantly overtaken by a big blue van with “Menzies” written on the side…a van I don’t remember passing so how it kept managing to overtake me I’ll never know. If you’re a regular reader of the blog I think you’ll understand why this made me giggle so bad!

The interview itself went rather well (except for me managing to get into the staff car park without a pass and me getting into the building without security stopping me which I think means I was trespassing/breaking in), I answered all their questions as best I could (despite my nervous stammer), I made a few jokes (which made both interviewers laugh – which is a rarity) and I even had some interesing questions for them once my interview was complete. I spent an hour and a half in the room, shaking from fear (I blamed being cold) and wondering if I could just hide under the table without them noticing I’d disappeared from the chair. I smiled, nodded, maintained eye contact…I tried to appear relaxed (but fear I was as subtle as a fart in a one man tent!). I did my best.

I then went from the interview to my (re-arranged) meeting with my adviser at the Job Centre, I was told off by reception for being fifteen minutes early (yeah, I don’t get it either), was told that I am definitely in breach of my contract for missing the earlier appointment to attend the interview (which means I could still lose my benefits) and that even though I’m appealing the amount I’ve been assigned for job seekers it is highly doubtful that the initial decision will be reversed (I’m still getting £20 instead of £71). Useful as ever!

I then stomped home for a much needed cup of sugary tea to get over my Job Centre induced foul mood and upon checking my emails I was blessed to find a lovely message from a major company in the UK inviting me for an interview (chances are I won’t get past the interview stage but bloody hell I’m lucky to even get a chance!)…the job is incredibly well paid, there is scope for travel outside of the UK, the career progression is amazing and they have an excellent reputation!

I’m not going to name either company on here just because of my own paranoia…perhaps if/when they reject me I might do ;-)

Fingers crossed for employment ladies and gents!

Loki-Lou

PS – Today’s song of the day is:

Oomph! – The Final Match (from their “Truth or Dare” album so they’re singing in English! I must confess I nearly wee’d myself with excitement when I found this….when I should have been doing more revising for today’s interview….oops!)

Damn you Cheddars!

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Today I woke up on the right side of the bed…well…the only side of the bed that I can actually get out of without breaking my nose and crashing through a wall onto the landing (mum would kill me if I got nostril blood on that carpet!). I suppose what I mean to say is that I actually feel happy today…I know, I know, Hell must have frozen over.

(Ummm Eternal Damnation popsicles…flaming flesh flavour)

And no, I don’t mean the place in Michigan…I mean:

 

(*eeeee…pop* *eeee…pop* that’s the sound of Satan’s balls meeting his tonsils in a bid to become warm once more).

So as you do with moments of clarity, reasoning and tea craving that results in you analysing your life while listening to the kettle boiling that sweet sweet water, I determined that I needed to find a job…and add either whiskey or sugar to my tea…as dad had consumed all the whiskey in the house (and I don’t want to send job applications with the lines “I’m the bestest frigging admin-type person evar!” or “I know I can deal with a crisis…I once watched a dude pass out drunk and shit over himself and half the floor”) I opted for the sugar.

Applying for work does remind me actually of having a very interesting character apply for a Support Worker job when I was starting out in HR recruitment. As it was part of a programme we were running to get “down-and-outs” (I think I’m now classed as one of these) back into the work place he was brought straight in for an interview – no vetting questions asked. He showed up in clothes that I’m sure hadn’t been washed since they were first molded out of the arse of a T-Rex, there were certain stains on his trousers that would put most babies to shame and he was stinking so strongly of weed that I was positive that merely doing the introductions between the interviewers and him was the reason I was talking to Mr. Motivator for the remainder of the day.

(He kept telling me to do squats….evil bastard!)

Anyway, I was given an interview response form from one of the interviewers that had all responses given (as it had to be forwarded on to his Employment Advisor), and his answers were something along these lines:

Q. Describe a time you have worked in team? Was it a success? What would you have done differently?

A. I once pegged a dude who was pegging a chick…I wish it had been me with the chick but then I would have been sandwiched and that aint my thing. Everyone finished so yeah, it was a success.

Q. What do you think you could bring to the team?Skills wise?

A. I can open a bottle of beer with my teeth (apparantly at this point he took a bottle from his inside jacket pocket and began gnawing on it – the interviewers, being the spoil sports that they are, stopped him due to *ahem* “Health and Safety” reasons, I was hoping to give him a Darwin Award).

Q. Why do you want this job?

A. Because my advisor said I’d get paid and shit.

Q. What do you do with your spare time?

A. I like to go to this sex shop in town and try on the masks and clamps (he didn’t specify where the clamps went but you can use your imagination).

Q. If you don’t get this job what will you do instead?

A. I’d be home in time for the Jezza (Jeremy Kyle) repeat init.

At least he was honest…I guess!

That said, I really dislike answering certain “loaded” types of questions not only in interviews but on application forms too. The “what are your strengths/weaknesses” questions are awful, especially if, like me, your answers tend to be:

Strengths I make an excellent cup of tea, I’ve never sharted while farting in the bath, I have various zombie apocalypse escape plans (depending on where I am at the time of the outbreak), I have a fully operational bullshit detector and I can analyse the flavour of my burps like a pro.

Weaknesses I can analyse the flavour of my burps like a pro (well come on, not everyone will see that as a good thing!), I’m grumpy, I’m sarcastic (this should be a strength I’m sure), I have a severe dislike of…well…pretty much everything, I don’t suffer fools gladly (which is a shame because the world appears to be full of them), I chew pens/pencils (even if I’ve borrowed them from someone else – that’s right bitches, some of you have my cooties!), I name all files (electronic and paper) after random sci-fi films/TV shows (my ex-boss told me this was a bad thing after she came across a row of folders named after episodes from “The X-Files“  where HR policies should have been).

So instead I’m opting for “perfectionist” as the answer for both as I fear being honest would merely make them look at my application form like this:

(“Dang, she aint never sharted in the bath?!”)

Today I managed to apply for over twenty (yes TWENTY!) jobs without falling into the trap of self-psychoanalysis and shrieking “I fail at life because I have penis envy” or something along those lines…what made me stop with the job applications I hear you ask? Well, I must have frazzled my brain cells as I ended up dipping a McVities Cheddar cheese biscuit into my tea (sacrilege!), and let me tell you Peter Kay was wrong – the worst dunking biscuit isn’t a Rich Tea, it’s one of those cheesy bastards! Also, you try fishing it out with a spoon and it splits faster than an A-cup bra on a page 3 model…leaving you looking at what can only be described as cheese-vomit in a cup (now a trademark soup company).

Loki-Lou

HIRE ME – YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!