So it’s New Years Eve…a time to reflect on things, a time to plan resolutions, a time to bid the old year goodbye, and welcome the new year with open arms. We look back at the year, sometimes fondly, sometimes sadly….we think of things we could have done differently, we bury the bad times, we focus on the good, we remember those we’ve lost, we cradle those experiencing this for the first time, we hold our loved ones close, we tell them they mean the world to us. We mean every word of it.
We have hope.
2012 has been a total crisis year for me (as regular readers know)….but despite all the hurt and the pain (physically and emotionally), I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I really wouldn’t. I’m going to share a few things 2012 has taught me, what I’ve lost and what I’ve gained….
2012 has –
- Shown me true heartbreak…..I’ve never felt pain like that before (I hope I never do again)…from this I learned that not only can I love someone to the extent that I feel like my whole being has been split in two without them, BUT it has also taught me that one day someone may feel that way about me (so to be gentle with their heart and their emotions).
- Shown me the betrayal of “friends”…..true friends don’t leave you when you need them, they don’t shun you when your world collapses, and they certainly don’t bonk your ex because they feel sorry for him (in fact they don’t bonk your ex at all). These individuals have been completely deleted from my life…..and replaced with stronger, supportive, beautiful, witty friends who I would do anything for (and I know if I needed their help, they would drop everything to be at my side). I would be nothing without them (and you dear readers….because yes, you’re included!)!
- Shown me that despite everything, your family will do everything in their power to help you….I don’t have a home, so they let me move back into the family home. They support me, they love me, they make me laugh, they defend me…they’ve shown me that despite me loving London as my second home, it will always be just that…and that even once I’ve settled, I don’t want to go far away from them! I need them more than I used to think I did.
- Shown me the kindness of strangers….please don’t just see a homeless person as something/someone to be ignored, sometimes (when the people who were supposed to be your support network fail you and you end up crying at Preston station) they give the best advice and have the greatest listening ears. I’m not saying give them money (as we know it may not go on something they really need), but maybe a coffee or sandwich (or soup given this time of year). This one gent taught me that the world is how you see it, that anyone who breaks your heart doesn’t deserve you and that you should never trust a duck carrying kebab meat!
- Shown me that I needed to change….there are so many aspects of my personality that have changed over the past 12 months, and they really needed to. The person I am now is who I am supposed to be….and I shouldn’t change for anyone (without my ex I’m me again!).
- Shown me that in order to love someone you need to risk being hurt all over again….and that some second chances should be considered a blessing!
- Shown me that…….everything happens for a reason.
Tell your loved ones that you love them, hug them close, enjoy the night…..2012 will soon be gone!
Take care of yourselves and each other tonight x
Todays song of the day is:
Auld Lang Syne (……Obviously!)