**No I haven’t gone mad, I realise cars cannot talk, but this is how my brain interpreted today with the Loki-motion**
This morning I had my final job interview of the week….at 11am, in Manchester…well, just outside of Manchester, which meant that I didn’t have to panic about driving in the city centre, the company has their own car park (so no worries about paying for a space…if I could even find a space to begin with) and I got to drive there in the Loki-motion rather than take the bus (which was perfect considering I had slept through my alarm)! Or rather it would have been perfect if the Loki-motion had wanted to start this morning.
Key in ignition produced nothing, not even a clicking noise. Nothing, nada, zip!
Me: “Come on Loki-motion, today is not a good day to play silly buggers!”
Loki-motion (LM): “Screw off, I’m freezing….can’t you see the frost! It’s everywhere!”
Me: “I know it’s cold but we have to get to this interview, there’s still time to get there if you start in the next 30 minutes”.
LM: “Cold? COLD?! I have frost in my exhaust pipe! Have you ever had frost in your exhaust pipe?!”
Me: “Can’t say that I have to be honest…”
LM: “Exactly! My insides are frozen and my exhaust pipe is colder than a shaven polar bears jacksy in mid-December!”
Me: “Quit being so fricking soft!”
LM: “Soft? SOFT?! You can pissing walk to Manchester you little scrote what with your big Winter coat and fluffy boots!”
Me: “Oh I didn’t mean it like that, you know I love you really”.
LM: “Nope….heart is as frozen as my exhaust pipe so go fudge yourself! Soft indeed!”
In reality I had buried my head into the steering wheel muttering about how I should have just taken the bus, then called my dad to get him to nip to the nearest car shop (in the middle of Padiham) to get a new A140 battery. Dad duly did his fathery duty and arrived all mission impossible style with a “this battery needs inserting into the car STAT!” mindset. Much swearing later and we’d managed to remove the old (flat) battery from under the driver’s seat and replaced it with the new one….fingers crossed, key in ignition and ….nothing, nada, zip!
LM: “If you think I’m driving you anywhere after you’ve just performed open heart surgery on me in the middle of the street you can guess again!”
Me: “Come on Loki-motion, be reasonable!”
Turned key again….nothing, nada, zip!
LM: “No….and you can’t make me!”
Me: “You carry on being a sour frozen exhaust piped little turd and I swear to all the gods of creation that I will Autotrader your ass!”
LM: “…..what time did you say the interview was?”
Key turned, click, ROAR!
LM: “What are we waiting for?! If you get this job you can afford to get me a new paint job…and maybe some new seat covers….ooooo I’d look wicked in a deep claret don’t you think? Very suave!”
We battled through traffic jams, dense fog, inane ramblings of the Sat-Nav (“turn right here, that’s right, flip the car into the line of oncoming traffic because it makes shit exciting that does”…thanks for the input Sat-Nav you streak of skiddy crap!) and the moronic skills of more than one driver to make the interview with minutes to spare!
The interview itself was a rather peculiar affair in which I sat quite nervously across from two people from the HR team hoping beyond hope that my brain didn’t say something incredibly stupid! There was plenty of self-doubt and I’m pretty sure it showed despite my best efforts.
That said the boss walked me back to my car while we discussed our respective football teams (Blackpool and Burnley)….when he caught sight of the little vehicle he smiled and said “nice little runners these motors provided you treat them right”.
I could imagine the smug look on the Loki-motion’s face as we headed home.
PS -Thus ends the November NaBloPoMo challenge! How crazy huh? Please join me (and the Loki-motion) for December’s challenge….because I can guarantee it will be as batshit as the others!
Today’s song of the day is:
Rihanna – Shut up and drive (dedicated to my beautiful little car who I do love dearly….I wouldn’t really Autotrader his ass!).