**No I haven’t gone mad, I realise cars cannot talk, but this is how my brain interpreted today with the Loki-motion**
This morning I had my final job interview of the week….at 11am, in Manchester…well, just outside of Manchester, which meant that I didn’t have to panic about driving in the city centre, the company has their own car park (so no worries about paying for a space…if I could even find a space to begin with) and I got to drive there in the Loki-motion rather than take the bus (which was perfect considering I had slept through my alarm)! Or rather it would have been perfect if the Loki-motion had wanted to start this morning.
Key in ignition produced nothing, not even a clicking noise. Nothing, nada, zip!
Me: “Come on Loki-motion, today is not a good day to play silly buggers!”
Loki-motion (LM): “Screw off, I’m freezing….can’t you see the frost! It’s everywhere!”
Me: “I know it’s cold but we have to get to this interview, there’s still time to get there if you start in the next 30 minutes”.
LM: “Cold? COLD?! I have frost in my exhaust pipe! Have you ever had frost in your exhaust pipe?!”
Me: “Can’t say that I have to be honest…”
LM: “Exactly! My insides are frozen and my exhaust pipe is colder than a shaven polar bears jacksy in mid-December!”
Me: “Quit being so fricking soft!”
LM: “Soft? SOFT?! You can pissing walk to Manchester you little scrote what with your big Winter coat and fluffy boots!”
Me: “Oh I didn’t mean it like that, you know I love you really”.
LM: “Nope….heart is as frozen as my exhaust pipe so go fudge yourself! Soft indeed!”
In reality I had buried my head into the steering wheel muttering about how I should have just taken the bus, then called my dad to get him to nip to the nearest car shop (in the middle of Padiham) to get a new A140 battery. Dad duly did his fathery duty and arrived all mission impossible style with a “this battery needs inserting into the car STAT!” mindset. Much swearing later and we’d managed to remove the old (flat) battery from under the driver’s seat and replaced it with the new one….fingers crossed, key in ignition and ….nothing, nada, zip!
LM: “If you think I’m driving you anywhere after you’ve just performed open heart surgery on me in the middle of the street you can guess again!”
Me: “Come on Loki-motion, be reasonable!”
Turned key again….nothing, nada, zip!
LM: “No….and you can’t make me!”
Me: “You carry on being a sour frozen exhaust piped little turd and I swear to all the gods of creation that I will Autotrader your ass!”
LM: “…..what time did you say the interview was?”
Key turned, click, ROAR!
LM: “What are we waiting for?! If you get this job you can afford to get me a new paint job…and maybe some new seat covers….ooooo I’d look wicked in a deep claret don’t you think? Very suave!”
Me: “Uh-huh”.
We battled through traffic jams, dense fog, inane ramblings of the Sat-Nav (“turn right here, that’s right, flip the car into the line of oncoming traffic because it makes shit exciting that does”…thanks for the input Sat-Nav you streak of skiddy crap!) and the moronic skills of more than one driver to make the interview with minutes to spare!
The interview itself was a rather peculiar affair in which I sat quite nervously across from two people from the HR team hoping beyond hope that my brain didn’t say something incredibly stupid! There was plenty of self-doubt and I’m pretty sure it showed despite my best efforts.
That said the boss walked me back to my car while we discussed our respective football teams (Blackpool and Burnley)….when he caught sight of the little vehicle he smiled and said “nice little runners these motors provided you treat them right”.
I could imagine the smug look on the Loki-motion’s face as we headed home.
Loki-Lou
PS -Thus ends the November NaBloPoMo challenge! How crazy huh? Please join me (and the Loki-motion) for December’s challenge….because I can guarantee it will be as batshit as the others! 
Today’s song of the day is:
Rihanna – Shut up and drive (dedicated to my beautiful little car who I do love dearly….I wouldn’t really Autotrader his ass!).
I am crossing my fingers for you that this week is the last time you have to worry about interviews and other crap!
I have similar conversations with the other half’s car which intermittently chooses to leave me locked out of the car when everyone else is warm and dry inside. I tell you Herbie hates me
Cars are peculiar things…Bruce (my first car) wouldn’t unlock the doors for anyone but me…I did love that car, he met a very untimely death at the hands of a 17-tonne lorry
Loki-motion is generally pretty good, but the battery has been an issue for a while and I think the cold just made things worse.
(Btw Herbie is a brilliant name for a car!).
17 tonne lorry :-/ I do hope you weren’t inside at the time!!!
No….I was lucky, just as I was about to get in the car my friend texted me to email some work through to her that she needed for a deadline. If she hadn’t texted (if I hadn’t nipped back in the house to email her) at that moment then I would have been! The steering wheel ended up embedded in the drivers seat…so I wouldn’t have gotten back out of it again.
Phew! Someone was smiling on you and I’m the better for it!
Bloomin’ stroppy little motor….he’s lovely when he wants to be!
The Loki-motion seems positively precocious. I hope that the interview went well and that your car calms down and starts regularly. I know that frustration. Keep bribing with that new paint job!
With an owner like me is it any surprise to anyone that the Loki-motion acts the way he does?
I think the battery was the main issue, I don’t think it was charging…the new battery should (hopefully) make things right!
If I get that job the car will get his paint job….but he’ll be staying silver!
Here is hoping the interview went well. I love the name Loki-Motion, I hope the two of you have a long and happy career coming.
I blame my friend Simon for naming the car that…as it happens it’s a rather apt name for him!
Fingers crossed for Friday’s interview, that’d be a wonderful place to work.
So glad Loki Motion started in the end and got you to the interview. Bet you & Loki Motion were well pleased to get such a nice complement after the interview. Well done on reaching the end of the November NaBloPoMo challenge. Can’t wait for December’s challenge :O)
I must have a screw loose for daring to attempt the December NaBloPoMo….I really must! I need to stop faffing around and start planning for the month ahead too, the other two challenges were that bit easier just because I had time in the evenings to write, but I’ll be away during the month (without internet) so I need to work out how this’ll work. Eep!