Today I was called for an “informal chat” at an Finance company I applied to (this was one of my left field choices by the way), they liked the sound of my covering letter, they were intrigued by my CV, and I may have taken the piss with their Finance and Verbal reasoning tests over the weekend and scored (a rather baffling) 97%.

(“The answer to life, the universe and everything is 42! …..Therefore all test answers are 42…..therefore PORN!”).

As an aside, while I was looking for the picture above I also found this one:

Isn’t that one of the single greatest Derp pictures ever created?!

Anyway, back to the story – I was told not to worry as this was only an “informal chat” not an “interview”, although in the world of (un)employment I’m not entirely sure what the difference is. Any occasion where they will not allow me to rock up in my slouch fit jeans, my (ripped and smelly) Converse and a Placebo hoody while carrying a six pack of beers is NOT an informal event! If I have to fit my ass not only into a pair of tights (which I laddered within three seconds – this must be a world record) but also a pencil skirt, while stuffing my boobs into a blouse that really should be classed as a weapon (as the buttons would have put someone’s eye out if it had blown) and slathering make up on my face, then it is NOT an informal event!

Honestly, informal to me is any occasion in which you’re perfectly happy to scratch your backside while ripping a massive methane cloud, and your companions are perfectly happy to deal with your farticles in a comical manner! This wasn’t going to be one of those times…so all farts held in!

Also, the company was about an hours drive away from my home so I should now apologise to all those who were on the M6 this afternoon who came across a little Mercedes going hell for leather and blaring out the dulcet tones of Rammstein at ear drum rupturing levels. Yes, that was me…or rather, it was the Loki-Motion. I must add here that driving without shoes on is a wonderful experience…random I realise but I wasn’t prepared to drive with heels on, well the real reason is that I love the feel of the pedals on my feet (…you can stop gurning at that sentence now).

I arrived fifteen minutes early (punctual!), signed in and read their health and safety manual like a good little interviewee…or informal chatee I guess…wait no, isn’t chatee the singular form of the Spanish Chatear which means ‘to annoy/pester’?…hmmm, that does sound like me so it looks like I may have been right the first time round. Anyway my point is that I was making a good impression.

(“Yay we have Fire Point Exit D!…wherever that is”)

I was then called into the “informal chat” (interview) by a lovely woman who was shorter than me – I only point this out because being 5’2″ it’s rare I come across people who are shorter than me, I actually find it fascinating that they have to look up at me while my brain shrieks “this is what it feels like to be tall, savour every moment!”

I was shown to a side room and placed infront of a computer, the lady then said “good luck” and started to wander off leaving me rather puzzled. After a few seconds I started to protest - I had already done these tests, why did I need to redo them? Isn’t today a chat or whatever you want to call it? She stopped in the door way and a look of pure confusion shot across her eyes before she muttered “I have the wrong candidate” and asking me to confirm my surname. She then caterwauled across the office to a colleague who traipsed over to see what the fuss was about, this gentleman was the HR Assistant….he was also very good looking (cue me adjusting my skirt length and fussing with my hair while his back was turned). When he turned to face me his smile showed embarassment and he apologised for the mix up, me being a muppet said something along the lines of “htwionffienvuiebvuiebvie” as I drooled a bit.

I then followed him like a lost sheep through the office (taking care not to be seen eyeing up his butt) and was introduced to two team leaders who would really be conducting the “informal chat” (interview). He then smiled and left along with part of my sanity. The two team leaders were nice people, very friendly, but as soon as the questions began it was pretty clear this wasn’t a “get to know you” session. They wanted to know my favourite method of statistical analysis not whether I thought Fassbender managed a better interpretation of an Android to Henriksen. They queried my knowledge of data interpretation over whether I prefer Dali to Goya. Long story short – the questions were competency based, they required a lot of thinking about and explaining, these questions were not “informal”…and it would have been foolish of me to treat them as such…although I may have made a joke about my tea making abilities. The interview lasted a total of 45 minutes in which I (quite eloquently I might add) rattled off numerous examples for each question, provided evidence (academic publications mostly) of my capabilities, and smiled like I’d had my face stapled.

We parted on good terms as we shook sweaty palmed hands and I waited until I’d been back in the sunshine (honestly, we had nice weather today!) for all of five minutes before I let the smile drop. There is so much effort and anxiety in attending these “informal chats” that they should just be called their true name – Interview!

I then took to the Loki-Motion and we sped off back down the M6 as though nothing else mattered but the road, the music and the awesomeness of driving.

Loki-Lou

PS – I can not be the only person who is thrilled (read pant wettingly excited) by the prospect of seeing the very gorgeous (and very talented) Tobias Menzies in “Game of Thrones: Season Three”?

(Oh yes ladies and gents….I present to you the-soon-to-be Edmure Tully…handsome bastard isn’t he? For the record, the shirt is awesome too)

You may now commence FANGIRLING!